When I was a fire inspector in my late 20’s, I had a really cool co-worker, Christie. She was super funny, confident, outgoing, high-vibe, and always had this amazing positive energy. Even when our work environment was stressful or filled with drama, she always seemed to be unaffected by the bullshit. We worked together for about three years, and I don’t think I ever saw her come into the office in a bad mood. I, on the other hand, was easily influenced by whatever issues I had going on in my personal life or at work, and I was always seeking approval from my peers and supervisors.

One day (probably when I was complaining about a work issue or expressing unhappiness with something in my life), Christie casually yet excitedly invited me to a weekend seminar called the Landmark Forum. I didn’t know much about Landmark except that it was some kind of secretive group that had something to do with personal development and transforming your life. I was worried it was going to be like one of those pyramid scheme cults, and I was going to come out of it brainwashed into moving onto a private compound and becoming someone’s 13^th wife. However, I agreed to go, and I told myself to have an open mind.

For the first couple hours, I was very uncomfortable because the seminar leaders were dressed alike, and they all had the same calm, positive demeanor, which seemed freakishly abnormal to me. I felt out of place as I looked around at people nodding their heads in agreement and willingly sharing their life experiences in the group sessions. I kept waiting for the omnipotent cult leader to emerge from a secret door in the back of the room, dressed in a flowing robe, smiling directly at me with perfectly shiny white teeth and eyes boring into my soul.

But, as I noticed how others around me seemed to be genuinely engaged in what was going on, I told myself to stop being an idiot. I had committed to being there for the entire weekend, so I might as well try to make the most of it. I started to relax and really listen to the things being said, and I realized that I was being completely judgmental of all these people who were there to better their lives because I was fearful of being judged myself.

Deciding to fully dive in with a “go hard or go home” mentality, I spent the entire two days furiously taking notes. I opened up to others about my fears of failure and rejection, and I stepped into the possibility of creating another version of myself. By the end of the weekend, I felt powerful and alive, armed with all of this incredible information I had uncovered about myself. That feeling of a personal high lasted for about two weeks, and then I was sucked back into the realm of job stress, negativity, and struggle. I promptly forgot about everything I learned in that Landmark course for the next 11 years.

When I was moving from California to Washington, I came across a small 5”x7” pink and purple spiral notebook tucked away in a box with some stationary and old stamps. It looked vaguely familiar, and when I opened it, I saw it was all of the notes I had taken during the Landmark course. As I flipped through the pages, filled with underlined words and exclamation marks, I noticed I had drawn a bubble cloud around one of the things I’d written down:

“Responsibility = Willingness to be the cause in the matter of my life. I am the generator of what I do, what I have, and what I am.”

Throughout most of my life, I have proudly proclaimed that taking personal responsibility was one of my core values. My natural father died when I was very young, and after watching my mom work long hours in a job she hated for several years to make ends meet, I decided early on in life that I would always make it a point to be able to fully take care of myself and not depend on anyone else. For many years, I believed the basis of personal responsibility involved being self-sufficient, fiscally responsible, handling my own problems, following through on my commitments, and owning up to my mistakes. Are these qualities all components of personal responsibility? Yes, but in truth, they barely scratch the surface of what it means to be fully responsible for your own life.

While looking at my Landmark notes, I re-read that sentence several times. “Willingness to be the cause in the matter of my life…” What the fuck does that really mean? In the simplest terms, I am in charge of my life. Not my job or my supervisors. Not my family. Not my friends. Not the government. Not society at large… Me. It is up to me to take a stand for my own life and not just let life happen to me or go on around me.

So, as I made the move to Washington, instead of being worried about what I was giving up by quitting an 11-year career, leaving my family and friends behind, and moving to another state to start my life over, I realized I had to fully own this opportunity because it was a choice I was making. This wasn’t happening “to” me. Nobody was forcing me to make this decision. In fact, most people thought I was crazy to be taking such a huge risk, but, rather than being nervous or fearful, I was excited! I was purposefully taking control of being willing to be the cause in my own life and change my circumstances. How fucking powerful and exhilarating is that?

The Law of Attraction basically states that whatever a person thinks, believes, feels, or talks about is what they attract into their life. Everything is energy, and the universe matches the energy of whatever vibrational frequency you put out. So, if you are focused on negativity, the universe will send you negative outcomes, and vice versa for positivity. Essentially, whatever you give attention to will manifest in your life, whether you deliberately want it to or not.

I realized the things I learned in that Landmark course were principles of the Law of Attraction. Why didn’t this sink in for me so many years beforehand? Because I wasn’t ready to actually embrace and live by these principles. My world was very black and white for over 20 years in both my fire service and law enforcement careers. Rules and regulations. Policies and procedures. Codes and statutes and ordinances. My job was quite literally to enforce law and order. Was I able to operate in shades of gray at times? Sure, but, overall, I was restricted by the very defined and structured boxes of the careers I chose to pursue.

I’ve talked about this in a previous article, so I won’t go into too much detail here, but during the height of the pandemic and all of the “defund the police” bullshit in 2020, I was at the lowest point of my law enforcement career in terms of anxiety, stress, frustration, anger, and feeling both helpless and hopeless about the direction of my career and my life. I was aware of the Law of Attraction at this point, but I was only practicing it on and off. When I made the tough choice to quit my career and fully engage in becoming truly responsible for my own life, it was transformational. Like Landmark Forum 10.0 on steroids.

Too many people play the victim in their own lives. I did this myself for years. There were so many times in my past that I made excuses for my circumstances, came up with reasons why I “couldn’t” or “shouldn’t” do something, and didn’t hold myself accountable for my own life experiences, even though I claimed to be an ambassador of personal responsibility. My life wasn’t terrible by any means. In fact, it was pretty fucking great at times. Even so, I often felt powerless, and I was always unsatisfied.

When I finally understood the concept that I either create or allow everything that happens to me with intentional action or inaction, I stopped settling. I stopped allowing my circumstances to control me. I stopped focusing on my limiting beliefs and fears. I stopped numbing myself with Netflix marathons and endless scrolling on social media. I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me. I stopped believing my life was destined to be mediocre. I stopped holding onto shit from my past that was robbing me of my power. I stopped feeling like I wasn’t deserving of greatness. 

Instead, I started being deliberate and intentional with my thoughts and my actions. I started fully absorbing the information I was reading in books about manifestation and personal development. I started listening to podcasts that inspired me. I started taking more risks and trusting my intuition. I started believing in myself and my abilities. I started creating better habits. I started focusing on daily gratitude. I started acting, thinking, believing, and feeling with absolute conviction. I started becoming more aligned with my life purpose. I started speaking my truth. I started living my best fucking life.

Taking 100% responsibility for my life has been completely empowering. Do I have control over everything that happens around me or in life? No, but I DO have complete control over my thoughts, my beliefs, my actions, my values, my goals, my behavior, my moods, and my responses to my external environment. When you really think about it, personal responsibility is some incredibly compelling and powerful shit.

I don’t regret the path I traveled to get here or how long it took me to arrive at this place in my life. I know it was all part of my journey. Christie, if you are reading this, I am so grateful to you for introducing me to these powerful concepts so many years ago. I didn’t know it at the time, but everything came full circle when I decided to fully own my life experiences and step into the person I was meant to be.

The Law of Attraction is such a simple concept, but because of the way we are conditioned to believe that we don’t have control over our own lives, people fail to understand their true power and the depths of their innate abilities. I was one of those people. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge or step into my own power for the first 45 years on my life. But I am so fucking here for it now.

If you’re already living your best fucking life, then hell yeah. If not, I hope reading this article gives you the kick in the ass you need to make some changes. A life of mediocrity may be safe and secure, but it’s a life unlived. Be the cause in the matter of your own life. Embrace being fully responsible for your experiences. Step out of your fears and excuses, and step into your own greatness. It’s never too late to fucking shine.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara