This past December, I had the pleasure and the honor of being a guest on a podcast called “The Distinguished Savage” with Walt Settlemyre. We made a great connection, and I started diving into some of his previous episodes, one of which was an interview with a guy named Dustin Wright. During the conversation, Dustin was talking about hunting, and he made a joke about creating a shadowbox of failures, representing his hunting mishaps, like broken arrows from inaccurate shots and unused deer tags that went to waste.

Upon hearing this analogy, I laughed out loud because a shadowbox is something highly revered in law enforcement, the military, and the fire service. It’s a very traditional gift that is typically presented to someone upon retirement, where their badges, service medals, commendations, and other meaningful career highlights and achievements are all displayed neatly in a large deep-set picture frame that can be mounted on the wall, so you get to look at it every day and pretend your career was awesome instead of 20+ years of depression and anger that now haunt you for life. I’m kidding… Sort of.

Anyway, I started thinking about this concept – “Shadowbox of Failures.” I still think it’s funny as hell, but my first thought was, “Fuck that. I don’t want a shadowbox of failures; I want a shadowbox of wins.”

But is it possible to look at my failures as actually being wins…?

If you asked me this question a few years ago, I would have said absolutely not, especially when it came to failures in my career and my relationships. There were countless times in my fire service and law enforcement careers when I struggled with completing a required skill, failed a shooting qual, or didn’t get selected for a particular assignment I really wanted. There were the mistakes I made in my dating relationships and my previous marriage. I looked at these situations and events as cringe-worthy disappointments and missed opportunities. Basically, I looked at failure as something devastating and embarrassing – something to be ashamed of that I wanted to bury in the past and forget.

However, the more I focused on shifting my mindset with this self-development journey I’ve been on, the more I realized that my attitude was bullshit. I started to understand that my approach to failure came from a place of insecurity, lack, and negativity rather than from a viewpoint of seeing my circumstances as amazing possibilities for growth.

Can failure be humiliating and demoralizing? Sure. But, looking at your failures from a lens of pure negativity and shame is a wasted opportunity. In all honesty, many of my “failures” actually ended up opening doors for life-changing wins that I never would have even considered or dreamed of if I hadn’t failed in my original goal.

Realistically, you have two options in life: You can allow your failures to become roadblocks that stop you from growing, accepting stagnation and defeat. Or you can see your failures as detours and opportunities to pursue different avenues of growth, stepping into new levels of greatness. With the right mindset, your failures can actually lead to some incredible possibilities and inspirations when you look at them from the perspective of turning fails into wins.

I used to hit roadblocks. Now I see a multitude of amazing detours. Strive for a life where you end up with a huge shadowbox of accomplishments instead of a shadowbox of failures. Choose the detours.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara