Category: General

A Tribute to “The Simple Life”

October 17th, 2022

I had a different plan for this week’s post, but I recently learned that my friend and mentor, Gary Collins, creator of “The Simple Life with Gary Collins,” passed away last month. Eerily, I spoke with Gary the day before his death, but I only found out about his passing a couple of days ago.

When we last spoke, Gary told me he was going on vacation, so I didn’t think much of it when he didn’t put out a podcast episode the following week. I had a work trip and a vacation of my own occurring in late September and early October, and I was distracted with planning these events and recording my own podcast episodes. Several weeks went by before I realized that we hadn’t communicated, and I hadn’t seen his podcasts appearing in the “Recently Updated” section of my Apple Podcasts feed, which was highly unusual.

Before sending him a message to touch base, I looked on his website to see if he had posted anything about his trip, and I saw a brief headline at the top of the page about his passing. I am both shocked and saddened by this unexpected news. I don’t know the details of Gary’s death, but he was only 52 years old, and despite some health issues he made reference to from time to time, by all accounts he lived a very healthy and active lifestyle.

For those of you who haven’t read my first blog post, Gary was an instrumental influence in me starting to reevaluate and simplify my life a couple years ago. Like many people, at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic I was struggling with anxiety, anger, and spiraling mental health. I knew I was going down a dangerous path, so I started looking into positive mindset and health podcasts. I found “The Simple Life with Gary Collins” in September of 2020, and it quite literally changed my life.

Listening to Gary’s experiences as a veteran and former federal law enforcement investigator who grew up in California and later decided to give up city life to move off-grid to Washington State was something that really resonated with me, and I felt like I could relate to much of his journey. At the time, I was a police detective, living in Washington State, and I had also been born and raised in California. Gary was steadfast in his beliefs about patriotism and liberty, and he was outspoken about federal government corruption. His worldview on politics was very much in alignment with my own, and because I was in a position as a law enforcement officer where I couldn’t openly express my views and opinions, listening to Gary’s podcast episodes every week was a much needed reminder that I wasn’t alone in my beliefs.

In addition to his podcast, Gary was a successful entrepreneur and a best-selling author with a thriving business focused on wellness, self-improvement, and life simplification. He had a passion for sharing his experiences and educating others about what he referred to as “the three-legged stool,” an overall life balance concept centered around the ideas of optimal health, financial freedom, and finding your life purpose.

I read all of Gary’s books, except for the in-depth ones about off-grid living, and I began putting his advice into practice. I believed so strongly in the concepts I was learning from Gary that his teachings were a huge part of the shift in my mindset that resulted in me ultimately leaving my law enforcement career in pursuit of a more “simple life.”

Shortly after moving to Texas, I contacted Gary to schedule a consulting session because I was feeling like my life lacked purpose after giving up my career as a cop. At the time, I wanted to start a side business centered around investigative writing, and with Gary’s background, I felt like he was relatable and could understand where I was coming from. I had only scheduled a one-hour consulting session with Gary, but we ended up talking for over two hours, and we bonded over some of our shared experiences and beliefs.

Not only did Gary give me invaluable advice on what to do to start an LLC and create my business plan, but he also put me in touch with someone he knew who lived in Texas because he thought she might be able to steer me in the right direction with some possible leads and opportunities. Gary and I kept in touch after my session, and he often checked in to see how my business plan was coming along, always extending the offer to help me out when I had questions or wanted his input.

A few months after we connected, Gary sent an email to members of his website, asking if anyone was interested in writing blog articles. Even though I knew that starting down the path of blog writing would basically blackball my chances of success in the side business I was trying to create, I felt immediately excited and completely compelled to jump at the opportunity before I even finished reading the email.

My first article was posted on “The Simple Life” website this past March, and it was the catalyst for changing the course of my life. Gary was always supportive of my writing, and he never tried to edit, change, or censor any of my bold or controversial statements and opinions. He always gave me positive feedback and never turned down any of my ideas. He encouraged me to use my voice to inspire others, and he awakened a sleeping giant within me, completely altering the direction of my life purpose.

Gary basically gave me the opportunity to publicly step into my power and authenticity in expressing my beliefs with writing articles for “The Simple Life.” Having this platform to express myself and share my life experiences is what gave me the courage and desire to even contemplate creating my own website and blog with “Unapologetically Outspoken.”

I’m not sure what will happen with Gary’s website, the business he dedicated his life to, or the 185 podcast episodes he recorded (not to mention the numerous other podcasts and shows he was frequently a guest on), but I hope his legacy will remain available as reference and guidance for people who are interested in learning the concepts of his “simple life” program. Gary’s teachings and advice have been invaluable to me, and he was instrumental in reigniting my passion for writing. I will always be grateful I had the opportunity to experience his mentorship and friendship. It completely changed my world.

I’m writing this post to honor Gary in the best way I know how, by continuing on the “simple life” path he helped me start, and by using my blog, podcast, and social media platforms to inspire and encourage others to stand up for freedom and live their best fucking lives.

Gary, you were a genuine hero in my eyes, and you will be truly missed. Rest In Peace, my friend.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara
An Essay on Manhood… Or Lack Thereof

October 11th, 2022

Historically, there has been acceptance and acknowledgement of the very distinct differences in the psychology, biology, and personality traits of men and women. Male qualities are typically described as more dominant, tough, competitive, productive, logical, and goal-oriented, while female qualities lean towards being more sensitive, cooperative, empathetic, emotional, gentle, and community-oriented. While some of these characteristics are learned and can be influenced by social and cultural factors, others are inherent in our genetics, chemistry, and biology.

Traditional masculinity has been on the decline for quite some time now, as more and more males are being brought up in a society focused on the influences of feminism and forced gender equality. Boys are no longer encouraged to be assertive, competitive, or to take leadership roles, and they are taught to be more vulnerable, nurturing, and passive. In a role reversal, women are encouraged to be more ambitious, progressive, and self-sufficient. Females are more successful in school, and recent studies indicate that women graduate from colleges and universities at a rate of 3:2 over men. Women are also starting to dominate the workforce, successfully operating their own businesses, and assuming roles in positions traditionally reserved for males.

Despite the push in recent years for gender fluidity, acceptance of gender confusion, and blurring the lines between the sexes, study after study consistently shows that men and women are inherently different, and I believe these differences should be celebrated and embraced as opposed to being looked at as something negative or detrimental. Although I am all for the concept of equity, and I see myself as a strong, independent female, I am both disgusted and disheartened by the lack of manhood in America.

To be clear, I am not in any way bashing homosexuality with this post. My thoughts and comments are based on my experiences in relationships with straight men who have either lost or given up their manhood, or who were never truly exposed to strong, positive male role models in the first place, so they never developed the skills and character traits to act like men instead of boys. I am also not promoting or approving of unnecessary violence or abusive behavior when I talk about masculinity. Those are not masculine traits, they are signs of weakness and insecurity.

Additionally, I am not opposed to women being in positions of power and influence. Clearly that would make me a hypocrite, as I have successfully worked in traditionally male-dominated career fields for most of my life. I fully believe in economic equity and opportunity for men and women. However, I also strongly believe the cultural shift that has focused on erasing elements of traditional masculine traits and demanded the abolition of “toxic masculinity” has been one of the key factors in the downfall of men in America, which has contributed significantly to the downfall of the country as a whole.

Growing up in a liberal urban environment, I was rarely exposed to what I now refer to as “real men.” Although I had a very strong and positive male role model in my stepdad, he was a product of the World War II “Greatest Generation,” a model of manhood that has sadly fallen by the wayside. Regardless of what stage of my dating life I was in (ranging from my late teens to early 40’s), I rarely met guys my age who had even a hint of my stepdad’s quiet confidence, sense of honor, and outgoing, kind nature. Instead, most of the guys in my dating pool seemed to be insecure, over-emotional, directionless, self-obsessed, or overall just soft and mentally weak.

In my early 20’s, there was the deadbeat stoner skater who lived in his mom’s backhouse and spent all day getting high and chilling out with his cats. He was incredibly smart, talented, and attractive, but he was also unmotivated, unambitious, and had no drive to do anything productive in life. And yet, I dated him for almost 5 years.

In my late 20’s, there was the arrogant advertising executive who, although driven and motivated career-wise, was completely obsessed with himself, his Porsche, and early onset baldness. On average, he spent 45 minutes meticulously applying gel to his slowly thinning bleached blond hair, and I can’t even count the times I sat and waited impatiently as he meticulously examined his head from every angle in the mirror to check for imperfections before leaving the house.

In my mid 30’s, there was my emotionally detached ex-husband who was an incredible and well-respected police officer, but who didn’t know how to communicate in a relationship and spent most of his downtime playing endless hours of “Call of Duty.” There was no basis of friendship in our marriage, and he talked more to our dogs than he did to me.

In my late 30’s there was the physically fit and very handy Home Depot manager who was great at communicating but ended up being a complete emotional wreck with a shit ton of personal issues. When he literally broke down crying one night that he didn’t have time to clean his bathroom because he was spending time with me at my house instead, that was the end of the relationship.

There were a handful of other guys thrown in the mix, all broken in some way. Most of them were mentally and emotionally beat down by complicated divorces and nasty ex-wives, party boys with commitment issues, or guys that I walked all over because they were subservient and didn’t have any backbone. So, I guess that begs the question, what do I consider a “real man?” In hindsight, I guess it also raises the question of what the fuck my issues were that I continually got into relationships with guys like this in the first place, but that’s a story for another time.

As far as my views on manhood are concerned, it’s not about being the breadwinner of the family or sticking to traditional roles of male and female responsibilities. For years, I made more income than most of my male partners, and I never had an issue with that. It’s also not about a man needing to work in a high-testosterone blue-collar career field to prove his manhood, although I do find it incredibly sexy when a man is physically fit, confident in handling firearms, and knows how to build and fix things. So, I suppose it’s fair to say I definitely gravitate more towards men who have some type of manual labor or military background and self-sufficient survival skills.

However, that said, I don’t want a Neanderthal, sloppy, brute of a man either. I like a man who takes pride in his appearance and looks good in a suit, a uniform, or nothing at all. But I also want a man who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty and who drinks real coffee, not a fucking soy latte. What’s with the capri pants and sandals? The deep plunging v-neck crop top t-shirts? The man buns and headbands? The pajama pants out in public? I don’t know a single female who finds that shit attractive.

Yes, I think it’s awesome when a man will confidently hold my purse if I need a free hand while out shopping, comfortably hang out with me and my girlfriends at lunch, or even go get a pedicure with me. But those things are just icing on the cake. At the end of the day, be a fucking man. If I wanted a soft and effeminate partner, I would be with a woman.

I went through a lengthy phase in my youth where I was heavily involved in the goth and punk scenes throughout most of high school. I hung out with the “weirdo” guys who had pink or blue hair, wore makeup, and had all the piercings. But the buttons and pins on their jackets were names of bands, not buttons that stated, “I identify as She / Her.” They weren’t the weak, soft, delicate, gender-confused, unmanly guys like the young males I see who dress like that today. They still carried themselves like men and had the testosterone to prove it.

When I think of a “real man,” I envision someone like my stepdad, I guess. Someone who is kind, courageous, responsible, honest, funny, smart, and strong. Someone who knows how to carry on a conversation with ease and can comfortably adapt to any environment. Someone who always gives a good, firm handshake and confident, friendly eye contact when meeting another person. Someone who is loyal and has integrity. Someone who puts his family’s needs first and places emphasis on personal responsibility and taking accountability for his actions and behaviors. Someone who speaks out when necessary and stands up for what is right. Someone with a positive sense of purpose and a love of adventure.

Yes, I am a hopeless romantic, and as much as I am a strong, independent woman who is completely capable of taking care of herself, I want a strong, capable man who wants to take care of me. I want a gentleman who holds me in the highest esteem and puts me on a pedestal in the sense of loving, honoring, respecting, and protecting me. I want a man who is able to express his feelings and emotions, but one who also has a stoic and fierce nature and would not hesitate to stand up for me, fight for me, and die for me, if it came down to that.

Basically, I want the whole courageous knight in shining armor thing, but without me being the helpless female character. I want the modern-day version of the movie “Tombstone” with a Kurt Russel style Wyatt Earp to my Dana Delany version of Josephine “Josie” Marcus. I want a man who is not only my lover, but also my ride-or-die best friend.

Maybe my version of a “real man” seems like a unicorn in today’s world, but I don’t think my views on what a real man should be are extreme, or even unusual. Most of the women I know feel the same way I do. As much as I love and appreciate the freedoms and equality I enjoy in my life that have been fought for and hard won by the women who came before me, the scales have tilted way too far in the opposite direction, and women are largely to blame for men losing their ability to actually be men. It’s a depressing culture that we now live in.

I don’t believe manhood is completely lost, as I know many amazing guys who are loving, protective, and strong fathers, husbands, and role models for younger males. I honestly think that growing up in an urban environment where males didn’t really have to engage in any of the roles traditionally associated with masculinity and hard work had a huge influence on the generally lazy, feminine, and unmotivated qualities I saw in most guys.

The only real exception to this was when I worked in the fire service and in law enforcement, which are both fields that tend to attract more manly, assertive, and dominant men. This was especially true of my male co-workers who had prior military experience and who often had side job or hobbies that involved hunting, fishing, or construction work. However, it really wasn’t until I moved out of a large metropolitan city that I saw more frequent examples of real men outside of my work environment.

Living in a somewhat rural area, I am surrounded by hard-working men, women, and families who assume more traditional gender roles, as many of the lifestyles here are associated with farming, ranching, and factory or manufacturing work. The only time I really see the meek, soft, gender-confused guys with the dyed orange hair and politically correct t-shirts is when I’m waiting in line at my local coffee place, where they are inevitably wearing pajama pants at 2 o’clock in the afternoon and ordering a soy chai latte. These are the college students who are getting mind-fucked and confused by our corrupt education system. Otherwise, it’s strapping, strong men in jeans, boots, and cowboy hats, walking with a confident swagger and politely saying “Good morning, ma’am” while they hold the post office door open for me. And my heart beats a little faster every time.

Mental weakness, lack of purpose, laziness, lack of motivation, lack of direction, and lack of confidence in a man is not attractive. In fact, these things are a complete turnoff. I don’t know a single woman who wants a soft and uninspired man as a partner. It’s time for men to step up their game, grab themselves by the balls, and re-establish their manhood. Get on that horse, sweep a lady off her feet, and be the man a true woman wants to ride off into the sunset with.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara
Taking On “75 Hard” – My Mental Toughness Journey

October 3rd, 2022
So, a bit of a disclaimer up front: This post is going to be another novella. I thought about cutting it down and leaving out the details, but, in the end, I decided to just let it ride. My intention with all of my posts is to inspire my readers in some way, so if anyone reading this has struggled with dieting and fitness, shifting your mindset, or committing to a goal that you’ve set for yourself, you might be able to relate to my journey and learn something from my experience. And, if you’re one of those perfect people who don’t struggle with anything, then you can fuck right off. Kidding. Sort of.

Part I: Setting the Stage… My History of Fails

I love doing hard shit. If you follow my other blog posts, you’ll know I’ve pushed myself to excel at difficult tasks throughout my life. Challenging myself has always been something that excites and motivates me.

That said, last winter was my first Texas Panhandle winter, and it was also my first experience with having an HVAC system where the heating element is controlled by propane. Being a city girl, who’s always had electric utilities, I wasn’t sure how it worked, and I had to have the service guy give me a tutorial. While filling out some paperwork, he asked me how I ended up in Texas. We got to talking about my job managing a local winery, and I suggested he bring his wife out for a date night. He told me he was on day fifty-something of “75 Hard,” so he couldn’t drink any alcohol. I had heard of “75 Hard” from listening to the “Real AF with Andy Frisella” podcast, but I hadn’t really paid much attention to what the program entailed. I casually replied, “Oh, I’m sure one drink won’t fuck up your diet. You can have one glass of wine, right?” Little did I know…

Fast forward a few months later. At this point, I had been living in Texas for about 6 months, and I was starting to get lazy with my health habits. This was the first time in over 20 years that I didn’t feel under pressure to be in shape for my job. Since I was no longer in a position where I had to pass biannual PT tests or fit into a uniform, I was cutting myself some slack. And by “some,” I mean a lot.

I was still exercising every day, but I was also drinking a fair amount of wine (I mean, I work at a winery… it’s technically a job requirement, right…?). I’ve always enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner or drinks out with friends, but I usually limited my alcohol intake to once or twice a week at most. Now I was drinking pretty much daily. And not just wine. I was having a love affair with trying new bourbons and whiskeys, and my summer go-to drink was vodka with ginger beer. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I was becoming an alcoholic, but I was definitely overindulging.

I would like to say I’m one of those people who can just enjoy a drink with some snacks or a light meal, but, sadly, that is not the case. The combination of food and alcohol for me is like throwing fuel on a fire. I completely lose control, and any rational or healthy choices I committed to before tossing back a drink or two, inevitably get thrown out the window.

Sure, I will still eat the healthy meal I pre-planned, but I will follow that up with multiple trips to the refrigerator or the pantry, spending the next few hours snacking on whatever I can find until I’m uncomfortably full or feeling totally sick. There is no middle ground and no moderation involved. As many times as I’ve tried to convince myself, “This time will be different… I have the willpower and determination today… I am stronger than my desire for junk food…,” the pattern always repeats itself. Every single time.

The simple fact is I fucking love food. ALL the food, but particularly sweets and sugary carbs. I’ve been told that my eyes literally light up like it’s Christmas when I walk into a candy store or a bakery. I love food so much that when I’m eating one meal, I’m already planning ahead for the next one.

I’ve never understood people who skip breakfast, get busy with work or their kids, and then realize at 8:00 pm, they “forgot” to eat all day. I mean, seriously, who are these people??? I can’t recall a single time in my life that I “forgot” to eat. I have food and snacks everywhere – my car, my purse, my officer drawer… So, with all of the drinking I was doing, I was also continuously stuffing my face with crap.

Looking at me, you probably wouldn’t guess I’ve had weight issues all of my life, but I have photographic evidence of me in my early 20’s to prove it. Most of the time, I’ve fluctuated within 10-15 pounds of where I feel comfortable, but there was a point where I was at least 40 pounds overweight. You may not think this is much, but I’m 5’3”, and I’ve been on perpetual diets since I was a kid. If I ate the way I wanted to, and I wasn’t disciplined with exercise, I would easily be pushing 200-250 pounds. The “fat gene,” as my mom calls it, runs on both sides of my family.

As a teenager, I was repeatedly put on Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, or whatever “health” fad my mom was following at the time (usually something involving very sad foods, like carob and bean sprouts). As an adult, I’ve tried low carb diets, paleo, keto, counting calories, counting macros, and using multiple apps and online resources to track my food intake. I’ve even tried programs like Noom, where you take a more psychological approach to building healthy eating habits. Typically, I can manage to stick to something for a week or two at most, but then I go out for dinner or someone brings a box of cinnamon rolls or donuts into work, and it’s game over.

The only times I’ve been completely successful in achieving a weight loss goal are when I’m participating in a challenge of some kind where a prize is involved, or when I’m paying someone to hold me accountable for my eating behavior. As soon as the challenge or the accountability program is over, though, I always slowly slide back into old habits, and the weight begins to creep up. I am constantly asking myself how it’s possible that I can be so incredibly disciplined in almost all areas of my life, except when it comes to eating.

So, when I initially decided to check out “75 Hard,” it was after one of my binge nights where I was feeling disgusted with myself and in that determined state of mind where I wanted to make a change. I looked up the program online, and the immediate words that jumped off the screen were:

‘THIS IS NOT A FITNESS PROGRAM. 75 HARD IS A TRANSFORMATIVE MENTAL TOUGHNESS PROGRAM.”

My first thought was, “Fuck yeah, I am mentally tough! This is the program for me!” I skimmed over the rest of the website, immediately ordered the book (“75 Hard: A Tactical Guide to Winning the War Within Yourself”), and downloaded the “75 Hard” app. Then I promptly went into the kitchen and ate another snack, telling myself I would start the program when the book arrived.

Part 2: The Resistance… Yeah, No. I Can’t Do This.

If you’re not familiar with “75 Hard,” the concept is fairly simple. You complete the following five critical tasks, every day, for 75 Days:
- #1 – Choose a diet and commit to it.
- #2 – Drink a gallon of water.
- #3 – Workout twice a day for 45 minutes each.
- #4 – Read 10 pages of a nonfiction / entrepreneurship / personal development book.
- #5 – Take a progress picture.
Ok, so do a couple workouts… drink some water… follow a diet… do some reading… blah, blah, blah. How hard can that really be? I was so motivated that when the book arrived, I sat down to read the entire thing at once.

As I got further and further into the book, my motivation and enthusiasm began to fade. By the time I was done with the book, I set it down on the table, stared quietly at the closed cover for about a minute, and then said out loud to myself, “Yeah, no. I can’t do this.” I then got up, wedged the book between some other motivational books on my shelf, and walked away.

So, how did I go from highly motivated to completely deflated and defeated just from reading a book? Working out, drinking water, reading… these were things I was already doing. All I had to do was throw in a good diet plan, right? On the surface, it seemed fairly reasonable, but when I read the fine print and absorbed the details, I realized otherwise.

The reading and progress picture tasks were no big deal, so I wasn’t worried about getting these done. I love to read, and I belong to a book club where we read a new book every month. The focus of the club is centered on personal development and entrepreneurship books, so this one was a no-brainer. And, as much as I feel totally stupid and awkward taking selfies, I figured that as long as I didn’t have to post them on social media or share them with anyone, I could suck it up and do that every day. However, as for the rest of the critical tasks… the more I read, the more mentally and psychologically resistant I became.

Let’s start with the workouts. “75 Hard” requires that you do two workouts a day, for 45 consecutive minutes each, and one of the workouts has to be done outside, regardless of the weather. Additionally, the workouts can’t be done back-to-back, and you have to wait a minimum of 4-6 hours between each one.

Did I believe I was capable of doing two workouts a day? Definitely. I used to do that all the time, going to CrossFit classes in the morning, and then hitting the gym again later in the afternoon at work. But, the requirement for one of the workouts to be outdoors was the first indication that this program was “too hard” for me.

I am a weather snob. My ideal temperature conditions for exercising outdoors are within the range of 50-70 degrees, overcast skies, slightly breezy, and no direct sunlight. I loathe being out in the heat (Great idea moving to Texas, huh?). I am like a delicate flower that wilts and dies when it’s left in the sun for too long. And by “too long,” I mean about five minutes.

Beach vacations or sunbathing by the pool? No, thank you. Hiking in the forest when it’s raining? Yes, please! The idea of having to exercise outside, when I live in the high desert with no trees, no mountains, and no shade in summer was just not appealing. In fact, this was in the “not an option” category.

Moving on to the water intake requirement. At first, I thought this was doable for me, until I did the math and realized that a gallon of water is 128 ounces. I have a bladder the size of a walnut. You may think I’m exaggerating, but talk to any of my friends, or anyone I’ve ever worked with, and they will tell you I always have to pee. Where’s Tara? Oh, she’s in the bathroom. Again. When I used to work the mounted unit as a police officer, I would literally dehydrate myself because if I drank water during my shift, I would get side cramps while riding from holding it for so long.

Road trips with me…? Yeah, tack on at least an extra hour for bathroom stops. On average, I was drinking 30-40 ounces of water a day, max. How the fuck was someone who has to pee every 30 minutes going to drink 128 ounces of water??? So, again, another check mark for the “not an option” category.

Time to tackle the diet part of this equation. I knew this one would be difficult for me, but since the program doesn’t call for following a specific diet plan, I figured that as long as I chose something reasonable, and I really buckled down, I could handle this one. That is, until I read that you can’t have any cheat meals during the 75 days. Not even one. No candy… no pastries… no ice cream… and NO ALCOHOL.

That was pretty much when I decided to put the book down. My first thought was, “I work at a fucking winery! It’s literally not possible for me not to drink.” It was almost like I went into some sort of internal panic about the idea of not having a drink for 75 days.

My eyes welling up with tears, my second thought was, “No candy? Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t go 75 days without any candy…” I am a candy whore. Sugar is my nicotine. Candy corn, in particular. I know a lot of people hate candy corn, but I LOVE it, especially when it’s been aged for a couple years (Or as the haters like to call it, “stale”). I keep a re-fillable container of candy corn in the cup holder of my vehicle, and it’s the first thing I reach for when I get on the road.

When the fall season rolls around, I buy candy corn in bulk. Like a food hoarder, I have bags and bags of the stuff in my pantry and my refrigerator. Original candy corn, “harvest” corn (formerly known as “Indian” corn before the Brach’s company went woke), bags of just the mellowcreme pumpkins, and, of course, the “Autumn Mix” blend… I have them all. I am basically obsessed with sugar, so this whole “no cheat meals” and “no candy” bullshit was the nail in the coffin for me deciding not to do “75 Hard.”

So, yes, the concept is simple, but the title of the program speaks for itself. The execution of the five critical tasks seemed really fucking hard to me. So hard, in fact, that I believed I wasn’t capable of doing the program. The truth of the matter is that I was more than capable. I just wasn’t ready to be mentally tough enough to start, and I didn’t believe in myself enough to commit to it.

Part 3: Reaching My Breaking Point and Deciding to Step Up to the Plate

Instead of taking on “75 Hard,” I ended up paying a lot of money for 12 weeks of virtual one-on-one accountability coaching. At this point, I didn’t trust myself to monitor my own behavior, and I had already tried several different self-initiated online tools unsuccessfully. I had also tried to find a local accountability partner, but I only know a handful of people here in Texas, and none of them wanted to commit to going on a self-improvement journey with me. I couldn’t get any of my friends back in California or Washington to be my accountability partner either. Hence the expensive “phone friend” coach.

Quite honestly, my coach was pretty awesome, and over the course of the three months, I developed better eating habits and learned to make more “mindful” food choices. I also lost about 10 lbs, which was my goal, so I was pretty happy with myself. However, I was still drinking wine several times a week and eating candy corn every day because the program I was on didn’t have any specific food restrictions. The problem was that once the program was done, and I no longer had to text pictures of all my meals to my coach, I started slowly sliding back into bad habits, adding extra glasses of wine here and there, and splurging on unhealthy treats way too frequently.

When my mom came to visit me for two weeks about a month after my accountability program ended, “slowly” turned into a speeding train of poor decisions. I was having pastries and baked goods every day for breakfast, indulging in giant calorie-filled meals for lunch or dinner, and drinking wine pretty much every night. I felt completely disappointed in myself and disgusted by my lack of control, but I couldn’t seem to stop.

Halfway through the visit, I basically gave up trying and told myself I would revert back to “good habits” when my mom went home. However, her visit was almost immediately followed by a visit from another family member several days later, and I continued down my path of unchecked free-for-all eating for another week, essentially destroying all of the hard work I had put in during my 12-week accountability program.

One night, I stepped on the scale and almost broke out in tears. In less than a month, I had gained back 85% of the weight it had taken me three months to lose. I was not about to pay another $900 for a repeat session of accountability coaching, and I was so upset with myself that something in me snapped right then and there. I vividly remember saying out loud to myself, “Fuck it. I’m doing ’75 Hard.’”

And that was it. Done deal. My mind was set. Despite the fact I had been completely resistant to starting the program for almost a year, when I decided to commit to “75 Hard,” it was with a vengeance, and I was determined to fucking win. Day 1 began on July 13^th, 2022, at 6:00 am, when I took my first progress picture and headed out to my backyard for my first official outdoor workout.

Part 4: An Overview of My 75 Day Journey

I won’t bore you with a day-by-day diary replay of the entire 75 days, but suffice it to say, the first couple of weeks were rough. Who am I kidding? The whole fucking program was rough.

If you’re not familiar with weather in the Texas Panhandle, summer is one hot bitch. Normally, it’s a dry heat, but when I started “75 Hard,” we’d been having a series of thunderstorms, and it was uncharacteristically humid out. Even though it was 6:30 am and a moderate 70 degrees when I did my first morning workout, the humidity was at 89%. Not only did I sweat like a pig, but I was attacked on all sides by swarms of newly hatched mosquitoes. It was a miserable introduction to the outdoor workout part of the equation, but I endured and spent the next several sleepless nights scratching the shit out of my entire body.

When I was driving to work on Day 1, I automatically reached for the container of candy corn I keep in the cup holder of my center console. Like an addict trying to quit smoking, I shakily withdrew my hand and forced myself to keep both hands on the steering wheel for the rest of the drive. I also gave a wistful glance towards the popcorn store on the corner across from the gas station that I would routinely stop at once a week to buy a couple bags of salted caramel and red velvet flavored popcorn to munch on at work. I repeated this same scenario on the drive home.

When I got home from work, the first thing I wanted was a glass of wine. I opened the fridge and stared longingly at a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc on the bottom shelf, thinking about how refreshing it would be on such a hot summer evening. I envisioned myself contentedly sitting in my backyard, enjoying the wine while reading a book and watching the dogs play in the grass. Then I sadly reached for a tub of red leaf lettuce to make a salad instead.

You may be wondering why I didn’t just clean out my pantry and throw away the multiple bags of candy corn and key lime flavored M&M’s, or why I didn’t take the bottles of wine and Ole Smoky Moonshine out of my fridge and hide them in a cupboard before starting “75 Hard.” Basically, I decided that if I was going to do this and fully commit to the program, I was going to make it as “real life” as possible and be surrounded by my favorite temptations. Yeah, I’m kind of an idiot like that. Plus, did you really think I was going to throw out perfectly good alcohol and 12 bags of candy corn??? Let’s not get crazy here. But, I did take the container of candy corn out of my car so that I didn’t absentmindedly reach for a piece, like I was prone to doing out of habit while driving.

On Day 2, I walked into the office to see a box of fresh ham and cheese croissants and mini cheesecakes from a local bakery. My boss also conveniently decided to order in burgers and pizza for the staff several times throughout the week, “forgetting” that I couldn’t eat them. I’m pretty sure he did that just to fuck with me. There was also a wedding at the winery in the first or second week where a bunch of those delicious little bundt cakes were leftover and calling my name every time I walked past the glass paned cooler where they were patiently waiting to be eaten.

I struggled for several weeks with the water intake, and I was literally peeing 10-15 times before the clock struck noon. My routine became dropping my lunch bag off in the office and immediately running down the hall to go pee before even saying hello to anyone. I contemplated moving my office computer into the ladies’ restroom.

Then there was the mental and physical challenge of having to exercise at the end of the day, when I was low on energy and mentally drained from work. I’ve never enjoyed working out in the evenings. I’d rather get up at 4:30 am to exercise before work than try to fit it in afterwards. Now, I was doing both.

And, of course, there was the ever-present fact that I work in a winery, and I was constantly surrounded by alcohol… I’ve been in my job for a little over a year now, and up until I started “75 Hard,” we hadn’t bottled any new wines. As luck would have it, during the three months of this program, we bottled six new wines. Six… And I didn’t taste even one single sip of any of them.

A few weeks into the program, I was starting to get into my groove, and I was feeling pretty good about my progress, even though I was consistently worn out and tired as fuck from two-a-day workouts with no rest days. Then I found out that I was being sent to the largest wine festival in the southwest for five days. I checked the dates and realized this festival would be occurring at the tail end of “75 Hard,” on days 64-68.

My immediate thought was, “Shit, there’s no way I’m going to be able to work this festival and stay committed to this program. Maybe I should just cut my losses now and re-start when it’s over…” Then I thought about how the festival would be followed by my birthday. Then Halloween. Then Thanksgiving. Then Christmas. Then New Year’s Eve…

So, I asked myself, “If not now, then when, Tara? When?? You’re almost a month in. Suck it the fuck up and keep your head in the game. You’ll figure out a plan when the time comes.”

When the time did come, my plan almost fell apart. Those five days of traveling and being out of my normally structured element during the festival were absolutely the most challenging days of the entire program. I was completely off my routine, working long and exhausting hours, and, aside from bringing along some healthy snacks, I didn’t have the ability to meal prep. We were eating out for every meal, and I was constantly being tempted by all of the amazing food choice options in Dallas that I don’t have in the small-town community where I live. Since I love food, this was by far my biggest obstacle to overcome.

My workouts were the second biggest challenge. I was having to do my second workout late at night, after a long day of standing outside in the 90-degree heat and dripping humidity of Dallas in September. I would be close to tears setting up my yoga mat on the hardwood floor of the place we were staying because I was so tired, and all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and go to sleep.

One night, I ended up doing 45 minutes of step-ups on the sidewalk curb next to a bar while my co-worker was inside getting frozen margaritas. On the last night of the festival, we made the 6-hour drive back home, arriving well after midnight. I had stupidly done my morning workout indoors, so I had to go out into the backyard at 1:00 am, deliriously tired, to get my second workout completed. However, once I conquered that week, I felt like I had made it through the worst of it, and the next seven days being back on my routine seemed like a breeze.

When Day 75 came and went, it was almost anticlimactic. Don’t get me wrong – I was damn proud of myself for completing the program, but it wasn’t the “Hell yeah! Time to party!” feeling that I expected. I thought I would be relieved and excited to FINALLY be able to have a drink and some junk food, but when I woke up the following day, I didn’t feel that way at all. Instead, I very calmly felt like I just wanted to keep the momentum of good habits going.

Part 5: What I Learned About Myself from Doing “75 Hard” and What Comes Next

Overall, “75 Hard” was, well… hard. Yet, except for those five days in Dallas, the longer I stayed on the program, the more I started to crave and enjoy the challenge. It got to the point where I actually looked forward to dragging my weights outside in the morning on strength training days, and I started to not even miss the alcohol and candy corn. This was honestly the first time in my adult life that I ever went more than a week without an alcoholic beverage and more than a couple of days without chocolate or candy.

It also felt amazing to be able to stay on track for the duration of this challenge without believing I needed someone to hold me accountable. I did track my progress in the “75 Hard” app, but the app was really just a tool to help me stay accountable to myself. Even though I completed my five daily tasks each day, there were a couple times I forgot to check all the boxes in the tracking app before going to bed. When I opened the app the following day, a picture of Andy Frisella with his giant muscular arms folded across his chest and a stern, intimidating look on his face would appear on the screen, and the app would ask whether I really completed all five tasks or whether I failed. Despite that feature being designed to keep you honest with yourself, nobody actually monitors the app to see how you’re doing or verifies that you legitimately did the work. It’s all up to you to track your own progress.

This was truly the first time I ever stuck with a program where I wasn’t competing with other people, or I didn’t have to check in with someone on a regular basis to evaluate my progress. I had friends and family who were supportive of me going on this journey, but, in terms of committing to the process, I did it alone, and I was the only one holding myself accountable.

Even though “75 Hard” is not a weight loss program, and Andy makes it very clear that you shouldn’t approach it that way, I will admit that weight loss was one of my primary intentions when I made the decision to start. Quite honestly, if you’re following a specific diet for 75 days where you can’t have cheat meals or drink alcohol, and you were eating like shit and drinking alcohol frequently before starting the program, some amount of weight loss is inevitable.

The funny thing is that I really didn’t lose much weight. It was only about 4 or 5 pounds over the course of the program. Normally that kind of thing would have frustrated and disappointed me, especially with the amount of work I put into it, but, in the end, I really didn’t care. As I got further into the program, my goal shifted from wanting to lose weight to focusing on the mental aspect of pushing and challenging myself to succeed, proving to myself that I could change my habits.

Despite the lack of weight loss in terms of pounds, I could definitely see a difference in my body when I compared my Day 1 and Day 75 progress pictures. So, as much as it made me cringe every day to take selfies in my sports bra and underwear, I definitely understand why it’s part of the program.

Yes, it took me a year to get to the point where I had enough faith in myself to commit to doing “75 Hard,” but, when I did, it was truly empowering. Despite the fact my fears and limiting beliefs continued to resurface from time to time during the 75 days, and there were many days that I wanted to quit, every time I defeated my whiny little inner bitch voice during the program, it inspired and motivated me to keep pushing forward. Instead of making the same excuses that I’d been making most of my life, I challenged the long-held beliefs in my subconscious that I couldn’t possibly give up candy and alcohol for 75 days, and that I couldn’t do consistent outdoor workouts or drink 128 oz of water every day.

I was successful not only because I took action and worked hard, but because I made this decision to fully believe in myself, and I was determined to complete the program regardless of all the excuses that constantly poured into my mind. I stepped into my own personal power, and took control of my mind. In doing so, I tackled “75 Hard” with the confidence that I would not fail because I set the intention that I was going to succeed, and I gave myself no room for compromise. I raised the standards I had previously set for myself, and I strengthened my mental toughness and fortitude in the process.

I finished “75 Hard” last Monday, and although I had a couple of small treats during the week, I pretty much continued to stick with most of the daily tasks until this past Friday, when I had dinner and drinks with some friends. I really enjoyed myself, indulging in a few glasses of wine, a giant steak, baked mac and cheese, and the most incredible homemade key lime cheesecake I’ve ever tasted (Thank you Lexi!!). However, when the night was over, instead of feeling guilty, I felt totally calm, and I realized I was looking forward to getting back on track the next day.

My plan from this point forward is to basically stick with the tenants of the habits I built doing “75 Hard,” unless a special occasion comes up where I want to enjoy myself. Other than that Friday night splurge, so far, I’ve been fairly consistent with maintaining good habits, and I haven’t really had cravings for alcohol or candy. However, realistically, it has only been a week since I finished the program, so the real challenge is yet to come.

I do have another 5-day trip coming up in about a week, so I guess that will be the true test of whether or not I go off the rails the way I’ve always done in the past when I go on a vacation. I’m definitely planning to splurge a bit and enjoy myself, but I’m also kind of excited to see if I can keep myself in check and not go balls out crazy to the point where I spiral out of control and end up feeling disgusted and disappointed in myself again.

Part 6: Paying It Forward with Good Vibes for Success!

So, why did I write this incredibly long blog post about my “75 Hard” journey? When I started the program, I didn’t share that I was doing it on social media, but I did tell some family and a few friends. The general feedback I got from most of them was, “Fuck that. Good luck. I couldn’t do that.”

Well, I thought I couldn’t do it either, but I did. So, I decided to write this blog post to share details of my journey and the limiting beliefs and excuses that held me back for a year before I decided to commit to making it happen. I know I’m not the only one who has had these struggles or made these same excuses, so I’m hoping this post inspires someone to take their own mental toughness journey.

Maybe you are sick of your shitty habits like I was, and you want to make a lifestyle change, but you don’t know how or where to start. Maybe you’ve contemplated doing “75 Hard,” but you don’t believe in yourself enough to commit. Maybe you don’t give a shit about doing “75 Hard,” but you’ve been holding yourself back from starting a goal or a project, and something in this article resonates with you about how your excuses are just fears and limiting beliefs preventing you from even trying.

If so, I’m here to tell you that you can fucking do this!! Whatever “this” is for you. Yes, committing to something like “75 Hard” is actually really “hard,” but the end result is worth it. Whatever your goal is, when you follow through and complete a task that you thought was too daunting or too difficult, it boosts your self-confidence and gives you the courage to try more hard shit. The more hard shit you successfully conquer or achieve, the more mentally tough you become and the more prepared you are to effectively handle the ups and downs of life.

If anyone is interested in doing “75 Hard” and wants a partner along for the journey, I’m thinking I might try another round in January. Call me crazy, but winter is just around the corner, and I want to challenge myself to commit to doing daily outdoor workouts in the brutal panhandle wind and cold (and, likely, some snow!) instead of the summer heat. Hit me up if you want to join in the fun. The one thing that would have made this process more fulfilling would have been doing it with some friends or a community of like-minded people.

With that being said, yes, I am FINALLY finishing this blog post. Thanks for sticking with me and being a part of my journey. Until next week…

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara
Taking Control of Your Subconscious

September 27th, 2022

On yesterday’s episode of the “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast,” Stephanie and I talked about the power of the subconscious mind and how re-wiring your subconscious can literally change your life. Before I started intentionally living my life according to the principles of the Law of Attraction, I really didn’t know anything about how critical and powerful the subconscious mind is, and this was a concept that took a while for me to fully grasp and understand.

I had always looked at my subconscious as the involuntary part of my brain that I couldn’t control. While it’s true that the subconscious mind does control involuntary actions like breathing, digestion, and muscle memory, it also controls your feelings, thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and attitudes towards pretty much everything in your life. When you think about it, your subconscious is the basis of your entire identity because it shapes the things you think and believe about yourself, whether negative or positive.

Understanding this concept was a breakthrough for me. I’ve always been of the mindset that since my conscious mind is the “logical” part of my brain that controls my decision-making and the way I rationalize or react to things, all I have to do is focus on directing and controlling my conscious mind to make deliberate choices to change my habits and behaviors, regardless of my feelings or emotions. Basically, I believed that if I just shoved my feelings aside, worked hard enough, and committed myself to outperforming my mind, I would achieve success – kind of like trying to control my life by force. And, to some extent, it worked because I’ve been successful in many endeavors throughout my life, but it always took a lot of hard fucking work to get there, and it was always with a “struggle” mindset.

When I came to understand that the subconscious mind is ruled by emotion and instinct, I realized I was basically sabotaging myself by constantly suppressing my emotions. At first, I thought this concept was totally confusing. How the fuck am I supposed to allow myself to be ruled by my emotions and at the same time not feel the emotions that are causing me to have my core beliefs in the first place?

The lightbulb for me was realizing that the subconscious mind controls without judgment. So, regardless of whether my emotions are positive or negative, to my subconscious they just “are.” Everything I think and believe is just a fact to my subconscious, which means that whatever I truly believe about myself, my abilities, and my situation in life will become my reality. When I learned that the key to changing my thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors was through focusing on my feelings from a different perspective, it was like, holy shit, it’s really just as simple as convincing my subconscious mind to accept the beliefs, emotions, and habits that I want to experience in my life.

Simple, right? In theory, sure, but in reality, “simple” does not equate to “easy.”

When I first started getting into the Law of Attraction, I thought it was just about saying positive affirmations over and over again to myself, hoping that eventually I would believe them. However, as I read more and more books on the Law of Attraction and manifesting, I realized that one of the common themes in every book is a chapter or a section about addressing your limiting beliefs. Regardless of the book, almost every author who’s worth reading will tell you that until you fully dive into recognizing and working through your limiting beliefs, nothing in your life is really going to change because you will always have the same underlying habits, fears, memories, motivations, etc. You can say positive affirmations all day long, but if you don’t change your limiting beliefs and truly feel and believe the things you are affirming as your reality, they won’t mean shit.

What is a limiting belief? In short, it’s a false belief you have about yourself that limits or prevents you from pursuing your best fucking life. Most of these beliefs are stored in our brains based on memories from early childhood, and they’ve stuck with us throughout our lives. As we grow up, our limiting beliefs become the core values and beliefs that we define ourselves by, and they tend to resurface over and over again in all of the decisions we make and all of the thoughts we have, without us even realizing it.

Things like “I want to exercise, but I don’t have time to fit the gym into my schedule,” or “That’s so cool you left your career to start something new, but I’m not strong enough to do something like that,” or “I’ve tried everything, but no matter what I do, I just can’t lose weight,” or “I’m not good at spelling because I went to a shitty public school, and the teachers sucked,” or “I’d love to start my own business, but I’m not skilled enough to be an entrepreneur.”

All of these statements can be traced back to some kind of limiting belief that you learned earlier in life, either from an experience you had, comments you heard, or the way you were raised. Essentially, limiting beliefs are just excuses. And the worst part is they are excuses that you truly believe about yourself that result in you leading a mediocre and unfulfilling life. They are excuses that enable you to stay in your comfort zone and sabotage your own success.

Limiting beliefs are fucking dream killers.

One of my primary limiting beliefs has always been that if I don’t work really hard and constantly push myself to excel, I won’t be successful in life. And for me, “success” has always been defined by having a stable career with a secure paycheck. When I started doing the work to understand my limiting beliefs, I realized I could trace this mindset back to my childhood and the memories planted in my subconscious as a result of my dad dying when I was 2 years old.

My mom didn’t have a career – she had a job. And, it was a job that she really didn’t like. For years after my dad died, I recall watching my mom struggle to make ends meet until she met my stepdad. My mom and I talked about this not too long ago, and she doesn’t remember it being that bad, but my perception of the situation growing up was enough to imprint in my memory that we were struggling and she hated her job, and we were in that situation because my dad had died.

So, I decided early on in life that I would never depend on a man to support me because I didn’t ever want to be in a situation where I had to rely on someone else financially. In turn, I developed the core belief that in order to achieve success and make money, I needed to have a stable career and not just a job. I believed this to such an extreme that, for many years, having a successful career came before everything else in my life – my family, my relationships, my friends, my health, etc. When I started digging into understanding this limiting belief, I realized how it has subconsciously affected every single one of my failed relationships and all of the important choice I’ve made throughout my life, up until this past year.

People think I’m “adventurous” or “gutsy” because I’ve changed careers several times and started over from the bottom each time. On many occasions, I’ve been told by friends that they “wish” they had the guts to just pick up and start over when they’re not happy in a job. Sure, I have taken more risks career-wise than a lot of people might, but what most people don’t realize, and what I only recently realized myself, is that most of the career changes I made throughout my life were always done with a safety net in place.

When I left my position in the corporate world at Disney, it was for a government job with more security in a municipal fire department. I basically traded a 401k for a pension and a job where I couldn’t be fired unless I did something illegal or against policy. When I left the fire service and became a cop with LAPD, yes, I was starting over in a new career field, but I was still working for a government agency under the same type of parameters, with a secure paycheck and a pension. And, when I left LAPD to go work for a small police department in Washington State, I lost my seniority and my rank, but I was still entering a job in the same career field, with a government paycheck and the opportunity to build a pension. So, even though I made these risky career moves with starting over multiple times, they were all fairly calculated risks because it had been hardwired into my subconscious since I was a child that it was a non-negotiable for me to not have a solid career with guaranteed financial security in order for me to feel successful.

I share this example of my limiting belief about my self-worth being tied to my career and financial security because it subconsciously impacted all of the major decisions I made throughout my life, both good and bad, and I had no idea it was even happening. You can’t rewire your brain and change your subconscious if you don’t understand or acknowledge what your limiting beliefs are. Once you identify your limiting beliefs, the key is to learn how to recognize when they come up (because they always will) and how to use your conscious and subconscious mind to work together in breaking old habits and beliefs and forming new ones.

When I made the move from Washington State to Texas, I did it without having any kind of job security in place at all. It was the first time I really challenged my limiting beliefs about money and my career defining my identity. In doing so, I had to address the fears, motivations, and habits that had been ingrained in my mind for over 40 years. More importantly, I had to trust in myself to have faith in my abilities to manifest an incredible life for myself without having my career to fall back on. Although it was scary and uncomfortable as fuck, changing my mindset and reprogramming my subconscious allowed me to become open to opportunities I never would have even considered or dreamt of if I hadn’t been willing to take action and do the work to change my deep-seated beliefs.

I no longer equate my life success solely with career and financial success. Do I want to make a lot of money and have financial security? Fuck yeah. And I’m working on making that happen. But my job no longer defines me, and I’ve developed a healthier perspective when it comes to creating balance in my life. Instead of working a shit ton of overtime hours and feeling tired and stressed out all the time, now I do fun stuff like writing these blog articles, recording podcasts, raising some goats, and pursuing hobbies that lift my spirit and contribute to my overall wellbeing.

I’m not trying to sound like Mary Poppins here. Addressing your limiting beliefs doesn’t mean that they just magically disappear, and your life is suddenly all sunshine and rainbows. Working on sorting out your shit is hard. My limiting beliefs constantly try to squeeze their way back into my subconscious all the time. Keeping them at bay is something I frequently have to intentionally work on. I also have a lot of other limiting beliefs swimming around in my subconscious that I haven’t even started to address yet, and despite the fact that I believe in the Law of Attraction, I’m still a regular human being, facing the same issues and problems as everyone else. I’m just learning new tools to handle things in my life more effectively.

Even if you don’t believe in the Law of Attraction, and you aren’t into any of the woo-woo shit that I often write about, the way the subconscious mind work realistically just comes down to actual science and facts. So, if shit keeps happening in your life that you aren’t happy about, or you’re not making progress on the goals that you set for yourself, maybe it’s time to take a deeper look inside yourself and start examining the excuses you’ve been making for why you are or aren’t doing something. You might be surprised by what you find out about yourself.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara
When You Just Don’t Fucking Feel Like It

September 20th, 2022
Yesterday, I returned home from a 5-day work trip that completely threw me off my normal routine. I’m feeling mentally and physically drained, trying to fight off the ever-growing symptoms of an impending sinus infection, which, as usual, is accompanied by a persistent massive headache… the kind that hurts to blink my eyes or move my neck.

So, when I realized it was Tuesday and time to post a blog article, my first thought was “fuck it.” I immediately started coming up with a litany of excuses for skipping out on writing today:
- I feel like shit, and I have no energy… I really should be resting.
- I’m uninspired.
- I have so many chores to catch up on… How did my house get so fucking dusty in just a few days?
- I’m tired, and my head hurts.
- I’m overwhelmed thinking about the other projects I have going on.
- Bonnie (my derpy little runt goat) got her damn head stuck in the fence again, and now it’s late, and I don’t have time to write.
- Nobody really cares whether I post an article or not anyway, right?
- OMG, I have 3 new episodes of 90 Day Fiancé shows to catch up on that I missed while I was gone (“90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?,” “90 Day Fiancé UK,” and “90 Day: The Single Life.” Yes, I do watch them ALL…).
These are all excuses I could easily rationalize to myself as being both reasonable and valid, but, the bottom line is they would still be excuses, and I’m not about living that life anymore. Plus, I recently wrote a couple blog articles about personal excellence and discipline, so I would be a total hypocrite to bitch out on writing today, regardless of whether I feel like doing it or not.

Why am I so passionate about keeping up with this blog? Mostly because I’ve committed to living my life with intention, and part of being intentional is following through on my obligations and the standards I create for myself, even when I don’t feel like it. When I decided to start writing publicly, I made a commitment to post weekly articles, with the goal of encouraging and inspiring others to take a stand for their beliefs and hopefully learn from some habits and practices that I’ve been using to help me create my best fucking life. Even though this blog is just a fun side venture, and I only have a handful of readers, I take my commitment to writing weekly posts seriously.

Is my writing really doing anything to inspire others or impact anyone’s life for the better? I know that most of my friends and family who read my articles are doing it just to be supportive of me (which I totally appreciate!), but is anyone really benefiting from any of this? In truth, people hardly even read these days, so what does it matter if I don’t write anything this week, or even at all?

As a society, we have become so conditioned to receiving information in the fastest way possible through the internet and social media apps, that most people have developed minimal attention spans for “reading” anything beyond 10-second blurbs on social posts before scrolling to the next one. I am not immune to the lure of social media, and a year ago, I would have been doing just that right now, sitting on my couch scrolling Instagram and eating a pint of ice cream instead of sitting at my computer typing this blog.

I used to devour books, magazines, and internet articles, often reading 2-3 novels in a week. I love books and reading the way some women love Louboutin heels. Yet, lately, I have so much other shit going on in my life that reading often falls by the wayside. So, I make it a point to be intentional in scheduling 15-20 minutes of reading into my day, or else I likely wouldn’t be reading much at all.

And that’s part of what this blog is all about – being intentional and following through on the shit I say I’m going to do. So, instead of skipping this week’s article, I’m following through on my commitment to post a weekly blog. This may not be a literary masterpiece today, but this is me being authentic and showing up for myself and my readers. If you’re reading this, and you’ve been feeling lazy, making excuses, or procrastinating about following through with something you’ve committed to in your own life, hopefully this article inspires you to get your shit together.

So, short and sweet, that’s my message for this week. Stick to your commitments. Be intentional. Fuck your excuses, however valid they may be. Show up for yourself and others, even when you don’t fucking feel like it.

And now that I’ve successfully posted my weekly article, I’m gonna go curl up on the couch with an Açai bowl and watch one of my 90 Day Fiancé shows…

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara

Side Note! The “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast” now has a profile on the “Truth Social” app. If you subscribe to that platform, please go follow us there!
What the Hell Kind of Country Is This Anyway?

September 13th, 2022
In last Wednesday’s episode of the “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast,” Stephanie and I were talking about the very divisive “not political” demagogic speech Biden gave in Philadelphia at Independence Hall on Thursday, September 1^st. The premise of the speech was about saving American democracy from being destroyed by the extremist MAGA Republicans (aka, anyone who doesn’t agree with Herr Biden’s policies). If you aren’t aware of this speech, I want to know what kind of awesome media-free world you live in, because it’s been all over the news and every social media outlet for the past 12 days.

I am not going to dissect or summarize the speech in this article. Anyone who has an ounce of common sense knows we are living in Bizarro World, and that speech was a purposeful tactic straight out of the “Rules for Radicals” playbook, which specifically states: “Accuse your opponent of what you are doing, to create confusion and inculcate voters against evidence of your own guilt.”

Literally everything Biden said about “MAGA Republicans” is the exact opposite of reality and instead defines the actions and behaviors of the liberal fucktards ruining our country and the mentally questionable people who are in support of their frightening agenda. If you feel like taking a trip back in time and placing yourself in the crowd of a Third Reich propaganda rally in Germany or Poland, go look up the speech on YouTube. Or, you can just listen to Episode 7 of the “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast” for a run-down on what happened…

What I am going to address, however, is the 31 (or more… I lost count) times Biden made reference to the word “democracy,” in his speech, most often when negatively referring to MAGA Republicans. I will admit there were some creative variations on this theme, so kudos to the writer who clearly did a lot of research on brainwashing indoctrination techniques. Some notable phrases included:
- A threat to the very foundation of our republic
- A threat to this country
- A threat to democracy
- A clear and present danger to our democracy
- The assault on American democracy
- Destroying American democracy
Towards the end of the speech, Biden stated, “We are still, at our core, a democracy.” However, he is not entirely correct. Realistically, our country is not a democracy. In a true democracy, all laws and public policy decisions are made by the people themselves, through majority vote, not through representatives.

What the hell kind of government do we really have anyway, you ask? Depending on what source you get your information from, it can get really fucking confusing. I’ve seen America described as a constitutional republic, a federal constitutional republic, a federal constitutional democracy, and a federal constitutional representative democracy. All of these terms have some level of accuracy. We are a democracy in the sense that we vote to choose the representatives of our local, state, and federal governments. We are a republic in the sense that our elected representatives then exercise the political power that we give them by electing them into office.

However, regardless of the specific term, the common theme in all of these descriptions of American government is the word “constitutional.” Why? Because the U.S. Constitution is the supreme “Law of the Land” in America. This is not an expectation, it’s a fact. Check out Article 6 of the U.S. Constitution if you need an educational refresher. It specifically states that all legislative, executive, and judicial officers in the three branches of government (the elected officials who are supposed to be representatives of the people) are required to take an oath to uphold and support the Constitution. They are bound to this oath by law! And this sure as fuck isn’t what’s happening in America today.

While doing research for this article, I came across an organization called the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance (IDEA), which compiles an annual report evaluating the level of democracy in 165 countries around the world. The information they analyze is based on empirical evidence comprised of 116 indicators, with data going back 47 years to 1975. The indicators they use are focused on issues like participation in elections, media integrity, absence of corruption, checks and balances, and clean elections, just to name a few.

In their most recent 2021 end-of-year report (“The Global State of Democracy 2021: Building Resilience in a Pandemic Era”), IDEA classified the United States as a “backsliding democracy,” citing the Covid-19 pandemic as having made it easier to justify authoritarian tactics, “including the politicization of judiciaries, the manipulation of media, restrictions on civil liberties and minority rights, and the weakening of civil society” (Introduction, p. vii).

When describing what a backsliding democracy is, the report states, “Unlike outright authoritarian regimes… backsliding democracies use parliamentary majorities, obtained by initially free and fair elections and high levels of electoral support, to gradually dismantle checks on government, freedom of expression, a free media and minority rights from within the democratic system. This process of democratic backsliding is often gradual, taking an average of nine years from the onset of backsliding until it ends in either a democratic breakdown or a return to democratic health” (Chapter 1 – Key Facts and Findings, p. 6).

Yep, sounds like the Biden administration to me…

If you’ve been following my articles on this blog or listening to the “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast,” you will know that I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican, and, frankly, I believe both parties are corrupt as fuck. I consider myself to be a constitutionalist who believes in the concepts of freedom, liberty, love of country, and limited government oversight that America was founded on. Basically, just leave me the fuck alone to live my best fucking life and allow me to fulfill my civic duties by making positive contributions to society that uplift my community and the people around me. That is what America is supposed to fucking be about.

Instead, we have turned into a nation of overly sensitive, easily offended, cancel culture social justice warriors who literally know nothing about how or why this country was founded. We have no vested interest in maintaining the integrity of America’s intended government structure because we are either too naïve to realize our government is purposefully dismantling our country through media censorship and false propaganda, or we are too busy watching meaningless TikTok videos and endlessly scrolling memes on Instagram (I do love a good meme, though…).

We are backsliding as a country because so many of our federal, state, and local government officials are no longer fulfilling the oaths they took to uphold the U.S. Constitution, and they are instead dismantling it piece by piece, under the false pretense of “democracy.” We are being intentionally mislead by an administration with values that are aligned with authoritarian, socialist, communist, Marxist, and fascist ideologies. If you disagree, show me facts to prove me wrong!

Our constitutional government structure was designed to serve at the will of the people, not to exert power over the people. If you hate traditional American values so much, and you want to be completely under the thumb of government control, go live somewhere else. There are 195 countries in the world to choose from! As for me, I will continue to stand up for America, speak out for freedom, and support the U.S. Constitution that has made this country the most unique, successful, and envied country in the world for the past 235 years.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara
Embracing Personal Responsibility: Now That’s Some Powerful Shit…

September 6th, 2022

When I was a fire inspector in my late 20’s, I had a really cool co-worker, Christie. She was super funny, confident, outgoing, high-vibe, and always had this amazing positive energy. Even when our work environment was stressful or filled with drama, she always seemed to be unaffected by the bullshit. We worked together for about three years, and I don’t think I ever saw her come into the office in a bad mood. I, on the other hand, was easily influenced by whatever issues I had going on in my personal life or at work, and I was always seeking approval from my peers and supervisors.

One day (probably when I was complaining about a work issue or expressing unhappiness with something in my life), Christie casually yet excitedly invited me to a weekend seminar called the Landmark Forum. I didn’t know much about Landmark except that it was some kind of secretive group that had something to do with personal development and transforming your life. I was worried it was going to be like one of those pyramid scheme cults, and I was going to come out of it brainwashed into moving onto a private compound and becoming someone’s 13^th wife. However, I agreed to go, and I told myself to have an open mind.

For the first couple hours, I was very uncomfortable because the seminar leaders were dressed alike, and they all had the same calm, positive demeanor, which seemed freakishly abnormal to me. I felt out of place as I looked around at people nodding their heads in agreement and willingly sharing their life experiences in the group sessions. I kept waiting for the omnipotent cult leader to emerge from a secret door in the back of the room, dressed in a flowing robe, smiling directly at me with perfectly shiny white teeth and eyes boring into my soul.

But, as I noticed how others around me seemed to be genuinely engaged in what was going on, I told myself to stop being an idiot. I had committed to being there for the entire weekend, so I might as well try to make the most of it. I started to relax and really listen to the things being said, and I realized that I was being completely judgmental of all these people who were there to better their lives because I was fearful of being judged myself.

Deciding to fully dive in with a “go hard or go home” mentality, I spent the entire two days furiously taking notes. I opened up to others about my fears of failure and rejection, and I stepped into the possibility of creating another version of myself. By the end of the weekend, I felt powerful and alive, armed with all of this incredible information I had uncovered about myself. That feeling of a personal high lasted for about two weeks, and then I was sucked back into the realm of job stress, negativity, and struggle. I promptly forgot about everything I learned in that Landmark course for the next 11 years.

When I was moving from California to Washington, I came across a small 5”x7” pink and purple spiral notebook tucked away in a box with some stationary and old stamps. It looked vaguely familiar, and when I opened it, I saw it was all of the notes I had taken during the Landmark course. As I flipped through the pages, filled with underlined words and exclamation marks, I noticed I had drawn a bubble cloud around one of the things I’d written down:

“Responsibility = Willingness to be the cause in the matter of my life. I am the generator of what I do, what I have, and what I am.”

Throughout most of my life, I have proudly proclaimed that taking personal responsibility was one of my core values. My natural father died when I was very young, and after watching my mom work long hours in a job she hated for several years to make ends meet, I decided early on in life that I would always make it a point to be able to fully take care of myself and not depend on anyone else. For many years, I believed the basis of personal responsibility involved being self-sufficient, fiscally responsible, handling my own problems, following through on my commitments, and owning up to my mistakes. Are these qualities all components of personal responsibility? Yes, but in truth, they barely scratch the surface of what it means to be fully responsible for your own life.

While looking at my Landmark notes, I re-read that sentence several times. “Willingness to be the cause in the matter of my life…” What the fuck does that really mean? In the simplest terms, I am in charge of my life. Not my job or my supervisors. Not my family. Not my friends. Not the government. Not society at large… Me. It is up to me to take a stand for my own life and not just let life happen to me or go on around me.

So, as I made the move to Washington, instead of being worried about what I was giving up by quitting an 11-year career, leaving my family and friends behind, and moving to another state to start my life over, I realized I had to fully own this opportunity because it was a choice I was making. This wasn’t happening “to” me. Nobody was forcing me to make this decision. In fact, most people thought I was crazy to be taking such a huge risk, but, rather than being nervous or fearful, I was excited! I was purposefully taking control of being willing to be the cause in my own life and change my circumstances. How fucking powerful and exhilarating is that?

The Law of Attraction basically states that whatever a person thinks, believes, feels, or talks about is what they attract into their life. Everything is energy, and the universe matches the energy of whatever vibrational frequency you put out. So, if you are focused on negativity, the universe will send you negative outcomes, and vice versa for positivity. Essentially, whatever you give attention to will manifest in your life, whether you deliberately want it to or not.

I realized the things I learned in that Landmark course were principles of the Law of Attraction. Why didn’t this sink in for me so many years beforehand? Because I wasn’t ready to actually embrace and live by these principles. My world was very black and white for over 20 years in both my fire service and law enforcement careers. Rules and regulations. Policies and procedures. Codes and statutes and ordinances. My job was quite literally to enforce law and order. Was I able to operate in shades of gray at times? Sure, but, overall, I was restricted by the very defined and structured boxes of the careers I chose to pursue.

I’ve talked about this in a previous article, so I won’t go into too much detail here, but during the height of the pandemic and all of the “defund the police” bullshit in 2020, I was at the lowest point of my law enforcement career in terms of anxiety, stress, frustration, anger, and feeling both helpless and hopeless about the direction of my career and my life. I was aware of the Law of Attraction at this point, but I was only practicing it on and off. When I made the tough choice to quit my career and fully engage in becoming truly responsible for my own life, it was transformational. Like Landmark Forum 10.0 on steroids.

Too many people play the victim in their own lives. I did this myself for years. There were so many times in my past that I made excuses for my circumstances, came up with reasons why I “couldn’t” or “shouldn’t” do something, and didn’t hold myself accountable for my own life experiences, even though I claimed to be an ambassador of personal responsibility. My life wasn’t terrible by any means. In fact, it was pretty fucking great at times. Even so, I often felt powerless, and I was always unsatisfied.

When I finally understood the concept that I either create or allow everything that happens to me with intentional action or inaction, I stopped settling. I stopped allowing my circumstances to control me. I stopped focusing on my limiting beliefs and fears. I stopped numbing myself with Netflix marathons and endless scrolling on social media. I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me. I stopped believing my life was destined to be mediocre. I stopped holding onto shit from my past that was robbing me of my power. I stopped feeling like I wasn’t deserving of greatness.

Instead, I started being deliberate and intentional with my thoughts and my actions. I started fully absorbing the information I was reading in books about manifestation and personal development. I started listening to podcasts that inspired me. I started taking more risks and trusting my intuition. I started believing in myself and my abilities. I started creating better habits. I started focusing on daily gratitude. I started acting, thinking, believing, and feeling with absolute conviction. I started becoming more aligned with my life purpose. I started speaking my truth. I started living my best fucking life.

Taking 100% responsibility for my life has been completely empowering. Do I have control over everything that happens around me or in life? No, but I DO have complete control over my thoughts, my beliefs, my actions, my values, my goals, my behavior, my moods, and my responses to my external environment. When you really think about it, personal responsibility is some incredibly compelling and powerful shit.

I don’t regret the path I traveled to get here or how long it took me to arrive at this place in my life. I know it was all part of my journey. Christie, if you are reading this, I am so grateful to you for introducing me to these powerful concepts so many years ago. I didn’t know it at the time, but everything came full circle when I decided to fully own my life experiences and step into the person I was meant to be.

The Law of Attraction is such a simple concept, but because of the way we are conditioned to believe that we don’t have control over our own lives, people fail to understand their true power and the depths of their innate abilities. I was one of those people. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge or step into my own power for the first 45 years on my life. But I am so fucking here for it now.

If you’re already living your best fucking life, then hell yeah. If not, I hope reading this article gives you the kick in the ass you need to make some changes. A life of mediocrity may be safe and secure, but it’s a life unlived. Be the cause in the matter of your own life. Embrace being fully responsible for your experiences. Step out of your fears and excuses, and step into your own greatness. It’s never too late to fucking shine.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara
Government Overreach is Making Us Weak Little Bitches

August 30th, 2022

This past weekend, I had an interesting conversation with Stephanie, my awesome co-host of the “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast” (which, by the way, shameless plug opportunity… if you haven’t checked it out yet, we are on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Amazon Music, and we air new episodes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday…). We were discussing how growing government overreach is destroying America, and she sent me a short, 5-minute Prager U video called “The Bigger the Government… (The Smaller the Citizen).” One of the primary concepts Dennis Prager discusses in the video is that as government control increases, people start to do less and less for both themselves and each other. The resulting impact is a decline in peoples’ moral character and the weakening of society.

This video really struck a chord with me because even though it’s clear there has been a significant and steady decline in the moral fiber of America, I have mostly looked at this from the angle of current societal issues (things like cancel culture, woke policies, social media influence, increased lawlessness and leniency on crime, etc.). Working as a law enforcement officer for almost 15 years, I frequently encountered people at their lowest, and I saw the worst of humanity on a fairly regular basis. However, I didn’t fully make the connection between government control and the way people treat each other until I watched this video. It was like a lightbulb suddenly went off over my head.

I started doing some research into this topic, and I quickly realized that the historical impact of increasing government involvement in the lives of Americans is actually pretty fucking significant and totally relevant to the lack of social morality we are currently facing in America today. Everything circles back to people no longer needing to be socially responsible for each other or vested in mutual success as a community because we have developed the expectation that federal, state, and local government should be taking care of us instead.

During my research, I came across an article titled, “The Rise of Government and the Decline of Morality” by James A. Dorn. Written in 1996, the essay discusses how immigrants who came to America at the turn of the century were so successful because there was no government welfare system in place. Instead, people had to rely on strong family and social bonds for survival. One of the examples Dorn writes about is a 1907 housing report on Polish immigrants in Baltimore, Maryland. The report details the bleak living conditions of poor working-class families, with 6-8 people typically residing together in overcrowded conditions in small one-bedroom apartments.

By 1929 (just over 20 years later), another report showed that 60% of Polish families in Baltimore were homeowners, without the aid of any government assistance. They were able to do this because community members had pooled their resources to create building and loan associations in order to help each other become successful. However, after the inception of federal and state welfare systems, and trillions of government dollars spent on anti-poverty programs ($5 trillion as of 1996… what the fuck is that number at now???), this same neighborhood in Baltimore became poverty-stricken, crime-infested, and dangerous. The author explains that one of the primary reasons for this is because once people became dependent on the government, self-reliance fell by the wayside, and people lost respect for each other.

Essentially, the growth of increasing government control in America throughout the years has resulted in undermining the traditional values of responsibility to self and others, as well as the need for a solid work ethic to achieve success. Over time, this loss of respect for humanity and community has translated into a loss of respect for property, laws, and oftentimes human life, leading to the decline of societal values, a weakened population, and a significant rise in all of the crazy bullshit that is prevalent in today’s society.

I know this article sounds like a college essay on the devaluation of morality, social decency, and integrity, but clearly I am not the only one who feels like our country is falling apart. According to a recent Gallup poll (as of June 2022), a record high of 50% of Americans believe there is a lack of morality in the country, and 78% of those polled believe that the loss of morals in our country is getting increasingly worse.

The Prager U video really got me thinking about how this concept applies to my perspectives on freedom and the loss of patriotism in America. The way I see it, government overreach essentially robs people of both their personal power and their relationships within the community. When people don’t place value on having a strong work ethic or needing to come together as a community to get things accomplished in order to survive, they no longer have a vested interest in the outcome of their lives. This ultimately leads to complacency and the erosion of patriotism and liberty.

Instead of lifting people up, government intervention weakens people and smothers human potential. There is no need to work hard to achieve the American Dream when the government is giving people handouts designed to keep them in poverty or even at a stable, yet mediocre, standard of living. There is also minimal to no opportunity to achieve the American Dream when the government is taxing people to the point where they can never truly get ahead. In all of these circumstances, society is getting fucked by government overreach. What’s most disturbing is that the majority of Americans don’t understand the roots of why and how we are in this sad situation as a country. Admittedly, as I wrote in the beginning of this article, I didn’t even fully realize the fairly obvious connection between big government and how it influences human behavior until I watched the Prager U video.

This begs the question, is America completely fucked? This is something I ask myself frequently, especially when our country has become so increasingly divided by political issues, to the point where we are no longer committed to the overall common good. Especially when taking into account all of the shit I saw as a cop, it would be easy for me to have a pessimistic and biased opinion. However, I have also come across so many incredible, hardworking, patriotic, strong, freedom-loving Americans who are willing to selflessly support and uplift their fellow citizens and neighbors.

I saw this firsthand when I lived in California and belonged to a local chapter of Soroptimist International, a volunteer organization dedicated to providing women and young girls with the opportunities and resources to help them achieve greater education and economic empowerment in support of their dreams. I also saw this firsthand as a law enforcement officer in Washington when community members participated in “Back the Blue” rallies and sent cards, letters, and donations of food to the police station during the 2020 “defund the police” riots and protests. And I see this almost every day living in a small town in rural Texas where strangers smile and wave at you when you drive by, store employees offer to carry your groceries out to your car, and neighbors are always willing to pitch in and lend a hand when you need something.

So, no, I don’t believe all hope is lost, and I don’t believe patriotism and liberty are dead. I just think we’ve gotten really fucking accustomed to allowing government to take an increasingly bigger role in our lives because it seems “easier.” And, in doing so, we’ve become a nation of weak little bitches. Like frogs slowly boiling in a pot, we’ve become comfortable with the changes in our environment over time that are actually killing our instincts for survival and success.

It is no secret that our current government “leadership” (if you can even call it that), is openly promoting a communist takeover of America. The loss of morality and community that has been occurring in our country over the past century is just taking us one step closer to this coming to fruition. There is a reason why our Founding Fathers believed that freedom, limited government, and individual responsibility were the cornerstones of establishing America. If we allow big government to continue to weaken and destroy our human potential, we truly are fucked.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara M.
Personal Excellence… The Power of Committing to a Morning Routine

August 25th, 2022
For the past few years, I’ve been really into podcasts. Surprisingly, they’ve even taken precedence over watching television (except, of course, 90 Day Fiancé…). My podcast journey started with paranormal, history, and true crime shows, as I apparently enjoy scaring the fuck out of myself while hiking alone in the woods (something I did frequently when I lived in western Washington) or driving on a dark and desolate farm road at night. However, as I’ve gotten more into manifesting my best fucking life, my podcast library has now grown to include shows related to personal development, health and fitness, entrepreneurship, and news commentary on current events.

One of the podcasts that I listen to every day is “Real AF with Andy Frisella.” If you haven’t heard of it, “Real AF” started out as “The MFCEO Project” in 2015, and it was the #1 business and entrepreneurship podcast in the world. When the Covid lockdowns began and all of the woke communist bullshit started overtaking America, Andy transitioned his podcast to “Real AF” in 2020.

While “Real AF” still focuses on topics related to business success and personal development, it also highlights current political issues. Andy and his co-hosts talk about serious problems threatening American freedom, and they expose the truth behind the lies being told by mainstream media. Regardless of the topic being covered, I find that I am always inspired to work on bettering myself, and I constantly come away from an episode with that pumped up “fuck yeah!” feeling. Listening to “Real AF” for the past two years has been one of the most influential factors in me deciding to go public with speaking my truth and standing up for my beliefs as a patriotic American.

One of the concepts Andy frequently addresses on his show is developing personal excellence. After listening to multiple episodes discussing this topic, my overall takeaway is this: Personal excellence involves consistently improving yourself in all aspects of life. It’s not enough to “try” and half-ass something. You have to actually “do” the work and do it well. Developing confidence is also crucial to personal excellence because confidence is the key to mastering skills, and the more you master skills, the more you start to feel like the master of your own life.

Andy also talks about how pursuing excellence keeps you from becoming lazy, and it contributes to developing resiliency. People who half-ass things typically end up giving up and quitting. People who pursue excellence get back up every time they fall. They adjust course or regroup, and they continue to persevere until they succeed. This perseverance leads to resiliency, which in turn leads to positive transformation, which ultimately results in increased confidence and mastery of even more skills. Not only is this important for success in business, but it’s also critical for succeeding in life in general.

To quote something Andy says often, “Personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion.” This concept has never been more important or more appropriate than right now, during this period of uncertainty and change in America. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you will, but I firmly believe our current federal administration is hell bent on making the American public weak and completely dependent on the government. If this doesn’t scare you, it should. Weak, dependent people are easier to control. People who are resilient and living a life of personal excellence are not.

So, I asked myself, what am I doing to pursue personal excellence and create resiliency in my own life? If I were to answer that question fully, this would be another long ass novel of an article, so I’ve decided to focus solely on talking about my morning routine, as this is probably the most important part of my day.

When I left my law enforcement career, it was in large part because I felt like I was no longer making a difference in my community, but I also had the desire to simplify my life. I want to make it clear that simplicity is not to be confused with mediocrity. I have no interest in leading a mediocre life. On the contrary, I believe I am just starting to discover my true potential and come into my true power. I am also learning about the incredible capabilities that humans have to manifest greatness, and it is my strong belief that developing personal excellence is key to becoming great.

As I mentioned above, one of the things I’ve done to work on personal excellence is committing to a daily morning routine as a means of developing consistent positive habits. I started this process when I discovered Hal Elrod’s “Miracle Morning” program several years ago, and over time, I’ve tweaked it into something that I feel is more personally applicable to my life. I won’t go into too many details, but here’s the gist of my morning routine:
- Get out of bed when the alarm goes off without hitting snooze.
- Listen to some positive affirmations or a short motivational podcast while I get dressed for my morning workout and take the dogs outside.
- Make a cup of coffee and sit down at my desk for 10-20 minutes to read whatever personal development book my book club is focused on this month, while subliminal affirmation music is playing in the background.
- Exercise for a minimum of 45 minutes.
- Sit outside in my backyard and spend a few minutes in gratitude for all of the amazing shit in my life while watching the dogs run around and destroy my grass.
- Stay in a high vibe state of mind by listening to another inspirational podcast or more subliminal affirmations while I pack up my lunch, shower, and get ready for work.
- Make sure I’ve had at least 60 oz of water before 9:30 am.
- Set my intentions and visualize the kind of day I want to have before I leave the house.
Is this a lot of shit to do early in the morning? Yes, and it takes me at least an hour and a half. Do I always want to get up early to make sure I have enough time to complete this routine before I head to work? Fuck no. I would love to spend that extra time sleeping. But I’ve come to learn that having the discipline to complete these morning tasks and being committed to continually improving myself on a daily basis benefits my overall health and well-being. And yes, I am committed to this routine on weekends and days when I’m not working (although sometimes I do sleep in a little bit later).

One might argue that it’s easy for me to stick to a morning routine because I don’t have a job where I have to wake up at dark o’clock to be at work by 8:00 am, and I don’t have kids. In theory, I suppose that’s true, but in reality, it’s really not. I have two high-maintenance dogs that demand my attention in the morning, and I will soon be adding some goats to the mix, which will require carving out some additional time. I currently wake up at 6:00 am so that I can get my morning routine done and be ready to go by 9:30 am. Is that a luxury in terms of time? Yes, I suppose it is.

However, for years, I had inconsistent and ever-changing schedules, working 10 or 12-hour shifts that often turned into 15-hour shifts, and I still made my morning routine a priority (even when I was working graveyard shift and my “morning” started at 4 pm). Admittedly, my morning regimen at that time wasn’t as extensive as it is now, but I had a committed routine, nonetheless. When I became a detective and I had to be at work at 7:00 am, I would wake up at 3:30 am to make sure I got all of my morning shit accomplished before leaving the house at 6:15 am. Sometimes it sucked, especially because I typically only slept 4-6 hours a night, but I got it done.

I would be lying if I said I’m naturally a morning person because I’m definitely not. Getting up early is something I’ve had to train myself to do, and even though it’s gotten easier over the years, it’s still often a mindfuck when my alarm jolts me awake. There are times I want to throw my phone across the room when the alarm rings, especially after I’ve finally fallen into a deep sleep after waking up 6 or 7 times during the night. Almost every day, I am tempted to hit the snooze button several times and go back to bed. And, I am still in the habit of setting multiple alarms for fear of sleeping through the first alarm and not waking up. Of course, it helps to have dogs who’ve come to expect 6:00 am breakfast and will forcibly wake me up with a paw smack to the face if don’t get out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off…

My point is this: Personal excellence basically comes down to a matter of priorities and what’s important to you. I choose to make myself and my morning routine a priority, even when I don’t feel like it, because to me, that’s a crucial element in setting myself up for success and achieving personal excellence. By being disciplined in committing to a daily morning routine, I feel like I am taking responsibility for my life and my life experiences. I am choosing to take action and create better habits for myself, first thing in the morning, even when it’s the last thing I feel like doing.

I may not be in control of everything in my life, and the rest of my day may occasionally turn to shit, but having this consistent morning routine has resulted in me developing the resiliency to tackle the rest of my day from an entirely different perspective. By the time I leave for work, I feel accomplished, energetic, and in a high vibration instead of feeling tired, cranky, or rushed.

If you don’t already have a morning routine, I highly suggest starting one. Although it may be difficult at first to get in the groove of waking up extra early to fit in whatever comprises your routine, creating habits that set you up for success at the start of your day makes all the difference. If you don’t know how to begin, I highly suggest checking out “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod. It’s a fairly simple program, and there’s even an app to help you stay accountable. If you have trouble even getting out of bed, look into “The 5 Second Rule” by Mel Robbins. She wrote an entire book on how counting down from 5 to 1 can help you change bad habits and form new productive ones.

Whatever you choose to do in your morning routine, come up with things that challenge you. Personal excellence isn’t something that comes easily. It requires you to put in work, and sometimes that work seems really fucking difficult and overwhelming. But the results are worth it. Get your ass up early and start down your own path of pursuing excellence.

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara

PODCAST UPDATE… The Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast is up and running! We intended to air the first episode on September 5th, but we were too excited to wait, so our debut episode aired this morning. Go check us out. New episodes air Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays!
Unapologetically Outspoken – The Podcast (Say What…?!)

August 22nd, 2022

As you are all aware, or at least you should be, since it’s the description on the blog page of this website, one of my goals in creating this blog is to inspire people to manifest their best fucking lives. And, one of the people who has been instrumental in helping me manifest MY best fucking life is my friend, Stephanie Keith.

Stephanie is a best-selling author (check out her amazing book, “Trust the Universe: Powerful Methods for Positive Manifestation and Raising Your Vibration”), the Founder and CEO of Law of Attraction Tribe LLC, and the host of the Law of Attraction Tribe Podcast. She went from being a cog in the wheel of corporate America to actualizing and living her dream of
“manifesting a life you don’t need a vacation from.” In the process, Stephanie has created a successful business, coaching and empowering women to create a life of freedom and abundance.

We first connected about a year ago when I discovered her podcast while looking for some manifestation resources that didn’t make me feel like I was joining a cult. I am all about the spiritual side of manifesting, but I just can’t get into the people who talk like they are at a perpetual yoga retreat and spend 8 hours a day meditating. I wanted to find someone I could relate to as just a “normal” person who understands how to use the power of manifestation to create an awesome life.

As I started listening to Stephanie’s podcast, I really liked her vibe. She can manifest like a boss, and she’s accomplished some truly incredible shit in her life, but she’s also a realistic, down-to-earth mom of three kids, with a humble and fun-loving personality. As we got to chatting, we discovered that we have similar backgrounds, and we immediately clicked as friends.

One of Stephanie’s passion projects is her app, “Manifest It Now.” It’s a kick ass resource for anyone looking to explore some amazing online manifestation tools. There is also a Book Club section in the app, and each month focuses on a different book related to manifestation, entrepreneurship, principles for success, or personal development. Stephanie hosts weekly book club meetings via Zoom, and we cover different chapters of the current book we are reading.

The conversation often gets personal because we talk about things we are working on manifesting into our lives. However, the one topic we don’t usually discuss is politics. I guess this makes sense because when you’re trying to focus on bringing positive shit into your life, politics is usually a topic that just gets people fired up, angry, or depressed. It’s also a topic
people tiptoe around and are afraid to discuss with others they don’t have a close personal relationship with because it can create a lot of divisiveness and controversy.

When I was mulling over the idea of starting this blog, I was working with Stephanie, doing some one-on-one coaching about coming up with ways to manifest my writing into an entrepreneurial venture. I gave up a pretty decent income when I left my law enforcement career, and one of my life goals is to turn my passion for writing into a business that aligns with
my purpose of inspiring and motivating others from a realist point of view. Although I haven’t quite figured out how to do that yet, I am following my dreams of writing by creating this blog.

I was initially apprehensive to tell Stephanie about the blog, or any of the articles I’ve written for “The Simple Life” website, because I often write about my political views, and I’m very outspoken about my beliefs. I felt kind of like a hypocrite because I’m not usually shy about expressing myself with anyone. Even at work, I’m typically wearing political or patriotic t-shirts, often emblazoned with the word “fuck” somewhere on the shirt. Yet, I was nervous about discussing my ideas with her because I wasn’t sure if she would be put off by my bold and unapologetic views, and I didn’t want to make our friendship weird.

However, I knew that if I wanted legitimate advice from Stephanie, I was going to have to keep it real and be my authentic self, so I told her about the premise of my blog concept. Rather than the negative or unsupportive reaction I was bracing myself for, she immediately got excited, and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, as I quickly realized we are on the same page with our views about the destruction of America and being sick of the crazy shit going on in this country.

When she excitedly suggested I should look into creating a podcast, I was like, “Oh, hell no, that’s not my jam.” Even just writing in a public forum for this blog is significantly stepping out of my comfort zone, and I wasn’t ready to take the leap into podcasting. So, she let the idea go, and I decided to focus on my writing instead. Yet, it seems the Universe had other plans for both of us…

Unbeknownst to me, Stephanie had been experiencing some struggles of her own, wanting to express her views and opinions about the way our country is being torn apart, but her podcast isn’t really the forum for this kind of conversation, so she was debating on how to remain true to herself and speak her mind, while keeping her platform focused on high vibe positivity.

One day, we were chatting about real world shit, and it was so much fun that we kind of lost track of time. Despite the depressing nature of what’s happening around us, and the crazy shit we were talking about, I realized we were laughing, and the conversation was easy and free flowing. I thought to myself, “You know, we should totally do a podcast together.”

Literally, just as I was thinking this, Stephanie exclaimed, “We should do a podcast together!” Without hesitation, I replied, “Yes!” And then I thought to myself, “Well, fuck. I guess we are really doing this…” Even more surprisingly, I was feeling legitimately excited about it instead of
nervous or doubting myself. And, thus, the Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast came to fruition, co-hosted by me and the amazing Stephanie Keith.

So, what’s the deal with this podcast? Long story short (Can I even make a long story short, you ask…?), Stephanie and I cover topics similar to what I write about on the blog, except instead of one patriotic female perspective on freedom, pursuing goals, and manifesting your best fucking life, you get to listen to two of us having conversations about our different life experiences and viewpoints.

The podcast will be airing three times a week, focusing on various issues, depending on the day of the week and current events happening in America and the world. On “Manifestation / Motivation Mondays,” we discuss topics related to how we are both manifesting our best fucking lives. On “Weird Wednesdays,” we cover news stories and articles about the crazy shit happening across the country. And, on “Freedom Fridays,” we have conversations related to life, liberty, and the pursuit of fucking happiness!

Our first episode airs on Monday, September 5th (Labor Day!). We are incredibly excited about this adventure we are going on together, and I believe it’s going to be fun, informative, and entertaining for our listeners as well. And…, unlike my blog, our podcast episodes will be short and sweet, typically around 20-30 minutes in length. So, stay tuned for what’s coming up, including our new Instagram page (unapologeticallyoutspoken) for
the podcast.

In the meantime, if you are interested in learning some really cool manifestation techniques and methods, you can find out more about Stephanie on the following platforms:

Website: http://www.thelawofattractiontribe.com
Instagram: lawofattractiontribe
Facebook: Law of Attraction Tribe
App: Manifest It Now

Unapologetically Outspoken,
Tara