Last week, Stephanie and I did a podcast episode on how to effectively deal with negative people. The impetus for this particular episode was a result of receiving some shitty comments on Facebook related to a partial video we posted on our “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast” page. The video clip was from an episode we did a few weeks ago where we talked about whether or not we are facing a diesel fuel shortage in America.

As much as Stephanie and I are opinionated and outspoken about our beliefs, we do attempt to be impartial and cover all sides of an issue when we address a controversial political topic. At least to the extent that research allows. Call me biased if you will, but I believe we did a decent job of presenting a fair and diverse series of facts and opinions in this particular podcast episode. However, since the video clip posted on Facebook was only a couple minutes long, it obviously didn’t cover the entirety of our episode or show all of the content.

That being said, I got rid of my personal Facebook account a few years ago, so Stephanie handles most (okay, all) of our social media content related to the podcast. When she first told me people were posting comments online about the video clip from this episode, I could tell she was disheartened and upset by the fact that some of the feedback was negative. My initial reaction, however, was one of astonishment that people were commenting at all. I think the first thing out of my mouth was, “Holy shit, we’ve had 4,000 views? Wow, that’s awesome!”

When Stephanie sent me screen shots of the posts on our page, I literally didn’t even care that people were making negative comments. I was just excited that we were generating a conversation, and people were actually watching our video clips. And truthfully, the comments really weren’t that bad. Sure, there were a few angry people who didn’t like what we were saying, but a lot of the comments spiraled off into side conversations where people were arguing with each other about whether they agreed with what we had said in the podcast episode, and the comments were not really directed at us.

When I made the decision to start this blog and co-host a podcast that covers somewhat controversial topics, I knew I was setting myself up for the likelihood of getting criticized and made fun of. That’s just an inevitable side effect that comes with putting yourself and your opinions out there in a public forum. Especially when it comes to social media platforms, people can be cruel as fuck. I don’t fully understand the psychology behind “online asshole syndrome,” but for some reason, people who wouldn’t normally have the balls to talk shit to your face become emboldened behind a computer screen and find it perfectly acceptable to write some really nasty comments online. Even social sites that I thought were friendly and benign somehow end up being forums for bitch fights and hostile text exchanges.

When I lived in Washington State, I downloaded the “Nextdoor” app to find recommendations for local businesses and resources in my neighborhood and get updates on what was happening in my community. Perhaps I misunderstood the purpose of the app or had unrealistic expectations of what it was for. More often than not, even when someone does post something helpful, the responses are a bizarre mix of appreciation, passive-aggressive complaints, and sheer asshole comments, inciting even more asshole comments in response. Maybe this isn’t the case for all “Nextdoor” neighborhoods and users, but it’s definitely a prevalent theme with the users in the area where I used to live.

Although I left Washington State over a year and a half ago, I never deleted my “Nextdoor” account, and to this day I get emails and alerts involving the most ludicrous and obnoxiously catty text streams about completely ridiculous and petty shit. Sometimes I find it amusing, but really, it’s just kind of sad. The people who make comments in the text threads mostly come across as miserable and angry. And this seems to be a common theme when it comes to people replying to social media posts in general.

In the past, I have primarily been a passive social media user, only posting sporadic feel-good pictures of animals and nature scenes, typically once a month or less. I enjoy looking at other peoples’ posts on Instagram and hitting the “like” button when my friends post something cool about their lives, but I rarely make comments, and when I do, it’s always something positive and supportive. I don’t see the point in wasting time or energy to engage in a passive-aggressive or outright vicious conversation online.

I also never liked the idea of attracting attention to myself on social media, and for the most part, I’ve always been fairly private about my life. Obviously, I consciously made the decision to give up that privacy when I decided to start a weekly blog where I talk about personal aspects of my life and speak out three times a week on a podcast. Being publicly “outspoken” has been a life-changing experience for me, and it’s something that has forced me to address my fears and vulnerabilities about being judged by others.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m a Type A personality and a bit of a perfectionist, so I’m already hyper critical of myself to begin with. As much as I hate my “podcast voice,” I listen to every episode we record, and more often than not, I find myself cringing at something I’ve said or a word I’ve mispronounced. I also berate myself when I catch myself accidentally giving inaccurate information because my brain and my mouth don’t always communicate the same message. Am I a confident person? Fuck yeah. But that doesn’t make it any less intimidating or scary every time I put myself out there with a blog post or a podcast episode and subject myself to criticism, judgment, and negativity.

People will try to tell you that fear is imaginary, and it’s just a concept in your head. That may be true, but the physical and psychological effects of fear can be completely real. Fear is a powerful emotion, and it can be totally paralyzing, especially when it comes to taking risks. Fear literally defeats most people before they even take the first steps to alter or change their circumstances. How many people do you know who are living mundane, mediocre, and unsatisfying lives because they are too afraid to take risks?

Let’s be honest here, we are all afraid of being judged. Even though I stand strong in my beliefs, and I’m willingly putting myself out there by publicly speaking my mind, I wasn’t always confident in myself, and I used to literally stress myself out worrying about what other people thought about me. In fact, there are times I talked myself out of taking risks because of my fears of being put in the spotlight and being judged. Even though over time I’ve learned the value of taking risks and jumping into the unknown, I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t still have fears about people judging me anymore, because I do. Everyone does. That’s called being human.

But you know what? Facing my fears and putting myself in the vulnerable position of being subjected to negative commentary about my podcast and blog has also been really fucking empowering. I’m prepared to face the haters and the people who write shitty comments on Facebook or other social media platforms because I fully believe in what I’m doing with this blog and with the “Unapologetically Outspoken Podcast.” Even when I mess up and say stupid shit that will be forever recorded in the unforgiving social media cloud, I refuse to allow fear, rejection, judgement, or negativity from others to discourage me or make me second guess myself.

My consistent message from day one of starting this platform is that if I can positively motivate or influence even a small handful of people with something I write, or something Stephanie and I talk about on the podcast, then I am fulfilling my purpose of uplifting and inspiring others. I wrote about this in one of my earliest blog posts where I addressed my occasional (okay, sometimes frequent) use of the word “fuck.” Not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay. I will not apologize for the manner in which I speak my truth. My message will resonate with the people that it is meant to resonate with, and if you are completely turned off by my potty mouth or my love of America or my political beliefs, then I’m just not the right cup of tea for you. And that’s okay!

So, a love note to my haters… Thank you! Seriously, thank you. I respect that you don’t share my opinions and beliefs, and if it makes you feel better about yourself to put me down or make shitty comments online, then you do you babe. As much as I can be snarky and sarcastic at times, I write this from a place of legitimate compassion. You don’t have to believe in what I’m doing because I believe in what I’m doing, and I will not dim my authentic light for anyone, even if that light sparks fear or anger in others. So, instead of getting upset by negative comments or allowing them to silence me, I just smile and give gratitude to the Universe for bringing me these gifts of an audience in the first place. Namaste…

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara