I have several obsessions when it comes to history, and one of them is World War II. Not just the war itself (the varying facets of which I could talk about for hours), but also the incredible patriotism of that era that brought the country together, and the way the war changed opportunities for women in the workplace. Since I was a teenager, I’ve loved the image of “Rosie the Riveter,” the iconic symbol for women in the workforce in the 1940’s, taking over factory jobs and helping produce war supplies and munitions while men were off fighting overseas. I still have my Rosie the Riveter lunchbox from junior high school, and the image of a strong, capable, female in blue work coveralls, flexing her bicep, is just as powerful to me now as it was then. 

If you’ve read my first blog post on this website, you’ll know that I have spent most of my adult life working in fairly physically demanding male-dominated careers. With that being said, it might be a natural assumption that I’m a huge proponent of gender equality, and most likely a feminist. However, that’s not entirely accurate. While I do believe in gender equality to an extent, I am by no means a feminist, and I don’t support the idea of complete and unequivocal equality. In light of the fact that people seems to be easily offended by anything remotely logic-based these days, I’m sure this admission will alienate and piss off some of my readers, but I’ve been doing that since my first post, so why stop now…?

Before I go any further, I would like to clarify that when I refer to “gender,” I am talking about the two scientific birth genders, male and female. I am not addressing bullshit like the infinite number of made-up gender pronouns and identities that have been concocted to placate people’s delusional feelings (that would be another blog article entirely…). You can identify as a “they/them,” non-binary, transgender, nonconforming, gender neutral, fluid flux, or a fucking giraffe. I honestly don’t care. Biologically, at birth, you are inherently either male or female, unless you were born a hermaphrodite. Enough of this gender confusion crap already. 

So going back to the idea of gender equality… I absolutely believe men and women should receive equal pay for doing the same job, be given the same opportunities for advancement in the workplace, have access to the same educational opportunities and resources, and have equal positions of power and decision-making in relationships. However, biologically, each gender typically has inherently different strengths, capabilities, and advantages, and when it comes to physically demanding jobs, men are generally more naturally inclined to be successful and dominate than women are.

Please don’t get me wrong here. I am 100% in support of empowering women to achieve their dreams and goals, especially when those dreams and goals involve having to break down barriers and push past perceived limitations that have been historically placed on women when it comes to certain jobs. But, I am also a realist, and let’s be honest here – there are some things men are just better at than women when it comes to physical skills and abilities. Yes, I am a woman who has not only succeeded, but also excelled, in careers more suitable to male attributes, but I had to work ten times as hard to be successful, and I put my body through incredible stress that has ultimately resulted in years of physical pain and injuries that I know will only continue to haunt me as I get older.

To be clear, I am not complaining whatsoever. I CHOSE to pursue these jobs, knowing full well that I would be required to work my ass off to even be competent, much less successful. I strongly believe that females who want to take part in any traditionally male-dominated career, sport, or hobby, should be able to competently meet the same standards as their male counterparts. I do not believe in lowering standards to give women advantages. You want the job or the position on the team? Do the damn work according to the existing standards, and do it without whining or complaining that things should be made easier for you.

Frankly, I also believe it’s dangerous and irresponsible to lower standards for females or allow them to squeak by with subpar performance just so an organization can be proud to say they have female representation in the workforce. This is especially critical when it comes to jobs requiring women to have a certain level of physical fitness and strength. Ultimately, women who aren’t truly qualified for the job, and who are hired just because they are female, end up putting their coworkers’ lives at risk. They also end up being a liability, unable to actually do the job they were hired to do, because it requires skills and abilities they never mastered in the first place. How can anyone believe this is true gender equality?

I am fully aware that I was given opportunities to pursue so many career advancements because I was a woman in male-dominated fields. Do I think this is fair? No, not really. Did I take advantage of these opportunities anyway? Yes, absolutely. But, I NEVER had expectations of standards being lowered to help me succeed because I was a female, nor did I ever believe I was “owed” a position because of my gender. I find it shameful when women expect or demand gender advantages and then complain or make excuses about how it’s “not fair” when they fail or when they don’t get hired or chosen for the positions they weren’t qualified for in the first place.

As with most of the topics I write and speak about, my beliefs are a product of my true-life experiences, and I am going to share a few of those experiences with you now. Not only were these situations eye-opening and pivotal career points for me, but they were also rather humbling and embarrassing. Regardless, I’m sharing my experiences because I believe they are important to illustrate why I stand so strongly in my views about gender equality. Let’s start with my fire service career…

When I was in the fire academy, I achieved proficiency in about 95% of the skills required to pass the cumulative physical agility test. The one thing I struggled with consistently was the damn ladders. One of the required skills to pass the exam was to remove an extension ladder from its secure position on the side of the fire engine and raise it to its full length, locking out the extension portion at the top and properly leaning the extended ladder against a wall. This was a timed test, and it didn’t leave much room for error. I am 5’3”, and the ladder on a typical fire engine is positioned at a height well above my shoulders. I didn’t have the height advantage, the leverage, or the brute strength to just lift the ladder off its hooks, balance it on one shoulder, and go on my merry way. Instead, I had to compensate with figuring out a technique that would work for me, which involved going through a much more time-consuming process.

First, I would have to carefully lift up one end of the ladder and balance one of the rails precariously on the hook so the ladder would be hanging about an inch lower. I would then walk over to the other end of the ladder and do the same thing, hoping the ladder wouldn’t teeter off the rungs and fall. Then I’d walk towards the middle of the ladder and take a position where I could simultaneously tilt the ladder towards my body, while lifting it off of the rungs with one hand, and then carefully balance the ladder on my shoulder at just the right point where it wouldn’t tip too far forwards or backwards. By this time, the rest of my classmates had already raised and secured their ladders against the wall, and I had just barely gotten it off the engine. Because I am determined, stubborn, and not willing to accept defeat easily, I spent months and months perfecting this tedious and time-consuming modification, until I eventually completed this task within the required timeframe, and successfully passed the fire academy. 

However, was that really a win or something to be proud of? Sure, I had met the bare minimum standard for a passing score, and I was technically qualified to be a firefighter. But, was I truly competent in one of the most basic skills necessary for doing the job? Realistically, no, I was not. Would I have wanted to have me as a team member on the engine if I had to be relied upon to quickly get a ladder off the rig and raise it to a second story window to save a life? No, I would not. And if I was the spouse of a firefighter who was working with a female who was not fully competent in executing this task quickly in a life-saving situation, would I feel comfortable with putting my spouse’s life in the hands of a weak partner every day? Definitely fucking not.

If you read my first post, you may recall that I had a successful career as a firefighter with Disney for several years, eventually working my way up to the rank of captain, so at this point, you may be thinking I sound like a total hypocrite. However, Disney was a private fire department with a custom-built fire engine that was smaller than a typical city fire engine and more comparable to the size of a tricked-out ambulance. Yes, it was a legitimate and fully functional fire engine with the same capabilities as a full-size fire engine, but it was like a mini-me version. And fortunately for me, the ladder on this smaller apparatus was placed perfectly in alignment with my shoulder height, so I was able to quickly and competently remove it from the side of the engine whenever I needed to. 

When I transitioned from a private fire department to a municipal fire department, I spent the rest of a large portion of my fire service career on the fire prevention side of the field because I was realistic about my stature and my resulting physical limitations. Yes, I met the minimum physical requirements to do the job, but, in all reality, I was not competent enough to be a true asset on a fire engine or truck. How shitty would it have been for me to take a position that someone else was inherently more qualified for just because I was a female and there was a push for diversity? Screw that.

Are there badass Amazonian-built female firefighters out there (and even just normal women!) who are doing the job better than a lot of males could? Absolutely, and I think that is fucking awesome. I just wasn’t one of those women. I had the heart, the drive, and the determination, but the bottom line is I didn’t have the physical stature or strength necessary to competently master one of the most basic skills of the job.

Fast forward to my law enforcement career…

When I first became a cop, I felt fairly confident in myself and my abilities. In terms of physical fitness, the police academy was way easier for me than the fire academy had been, and I breezed through most of it without any problems. When I started my probationary period as a police officer out in the field, I was still working out like I had been in the academy, heavily focused on endurance as opposed to strength. My training regimen consisted mostly of running and cardio-based activities. I thought I was in good shape, until about 6 months into the job, when I had a terrifying experience that changed my perspective on my perceived abilities.

This particular night, I was assigned to a female training officer who was in her late 50’s or early 60’s. She was shorter than I am (which is pretty damn short considering I’m only 5’3”), and she was significantly overweight. I’m sure she must have been a badass early on in her career, because she was old enough to have been on the job during an era when women had to work much harder to prove themselves, but her heyday had long since passed, and she was now barely able to amble down the hallway and sit her fat ass on a chair in the roll call room. She should not have been a training officer, much less even working in the field anymore.

As fate would have it, we were sent on a call to investigate a domestic situation involving a male in his 20’s who was having an escalating argument with his father. By the time we arrived on the scene, the male was outside on the lawn, shirtless with pajama pants on, agitatedly pacing back and forth while muttering to himself. He was about 5’11” and a good 200 lbs of pure muscle, and when he saw us approaching, he quickly went from agitated to downright angry. 

I can only imagine what this guy was thinking, watching an old fat lady and a petite female, who was clearly a rookie, walk towards him in police uniforms. I would like to say we swiftly and successfully took him into custody, but that didn’t happen. Before I even had time to react, the guy ran at us with the speed of a cheetah chasing its prey. I think I stupidly attempted to grab his arm to handcuff him, and the next thing I knew, the guy had tossed me off of his arm like the Incredible Hulk. I went flying across the lawn, landing on my ass like a rag doll. And for the first time since becoming a cop, I was literally scared for my life. 

Despite thinking I was going to get my ass kicked and probably significantly injured in the process, I wasn’t going down without a fight, so I got up and continued to do my job. Fortunately, my training officer had the good sense to request backup when we had arrived on scene, and between the two of us, we somehow managed to clumsily restrain the guy until other officers showed up. Even more fortunately, nobody got seriously hurt, and the only major injury I sustained was to my ego. Not only was this situation embarrassing for me as a police officer, but it was a wake-up call to the fact that I needed to add some serious strength training back into my workout routine if I wanted to survive in this career. 

During the next couple of years, I focused heavily on weight lifting, and I eventually got to the point where I was in great physical shape and confident in my abilities to handle myself out in the field. However, no matter how competent I was, I still had to deal with guys having expectations of me being weak because I was a small female. I had several male partners throughout the years who were initially unhappy about being assigned to be my partner because they assumed I couldn’t handle my shit. After working together for a few shifts, they usually changed their minds because I was pretty damn good at my job, but I definitely had to prove my worth as a cop every time I got a new partner.

Did that bother me? Honestly, no. I believe that just comes with the territory of being a female working in a male-dominated job. I also frequently had to listen to the guys trash talking other female officers, and quite honestly, a lot of the time it was with good reason, so I couldn’t provide a counter argument.

Even in situations where my male partners had faith in me to do my job and have their backs when we were in the suck, I know there were still times they would have preferred to work with another male, and, truthfully, I can’t find fault in that. Again, it comes with the territory, and if you find that offensive, then you’re probably too sensitive to be in this type of job in the first place.

Sad to say, I was also very hesitant to work with a female partner, unless I knew they could kick some ass. I absolutely believe women have a place in law enforcement, and there were countless times during my career that I was able to handle situations better than my male partners were. However, if I was going to be in a physical fight or a situation that I believed could escalate into one, (which was a frequent occurrence on the job), ninety-nine times out of a hundred, I felt significantly more comfortable having a male partner, since most of the guys I worked with were way more physically fit and stronger than most females I knew on the job.

That said, I am in no way bashing capable women in law enforcement. I have had the honor and privilege of working with some seriously badass chicks, several of whom were physically superior to male officers. On the flip side of that coin, I also worked with a few guys who were cowards in the field, and I was ashamed to call them fellow officers. So yes, there are exceptions to every rule, and I would choose to work with a badass, confident female over a weak, soft-spoken male any day of the week.

I have also met and trained with some incredible women who dominated in sports and physical activities. A few years into my law enforcement career, I became part of the CrossFit cult, completely obsessed with lifting heavy shit while wearing expensive deadlifting shoes and knee-high socks. I was somewhat modest and never liked my legs enough to rock a pair of booty shorts in public, but the socks were definitely my thing. I spent several years immersed in CrossFit culture, becoming a coach at two different “boxes” (basically an overpriced warehouse gym), participating in numerous local competitions, and placing 3rd in my age category one year at the Police and Fire Games.

My CrossFit experience taught me that there are some seriously fit and incredibly competitive beast women who can go toe-to-toe with men when it comes to strength, endurance, and stamina, and often surpass men in all of these categories. During the 7 years that I was in the cult, I was at my peak of physical performance, and I accomplished physical feats I never thought I would be able to do. So, as much as people like to talk shit about CrossFit, if you’re doing the movements correctly and safely, it’s an incredible way to make massive performance gains and increase your confidence in the process.

I also spent several years practicing self-defense techniques. Although I did take boxing lessons, I focused primarily on Jiu Jitsu, because I believed this was the most practical fighting skill for a small female to learn. I am able to hold my own in a ground game because I am small, squirmy, quick, and flexible, but when it comes to stand up fighting, I know I don’t have the same advantages. The bottom line is that no matter how strong I am or how much weight I can bench press or deadlift, realistically, all it takes is one punch in the face from a guy (or a woman) who is stronger or more skilled than I am, and I’m going down. Hard.

I realize this article is starting to become rather lengthy, and although I have many more examples from my own life experiences that I could share to support the statements I’ve made regarding gender equality issues, I promised I would keep my posts shorter than my first one, so I will cease rambling about myself. Suffice it to say that yes, I absolutely believe in empowering women, and I believe women are fully capable of being total inspirational badasses and excelling in jobs traditionally reserved for males.

At the same time, generally speaking, women inherently have physical limitations that men don’t. This component of gender inequality is a biological fact. It’s not good or bad – it just is. Rather than pretending like men and women are equal across the board, and that women “deserve” the same job positions as men do, I think it’s important to acknowledge that gender differences and limitations do come into play when women seek positions in male-dominated fields. If women want to be considered truly equal in this regard, the bottom line is they need to be capable of doing the work without special accommodations or a different set of standards.

Before I conclude this post, I want to add one more thing. While reflecting on the experiences I’ve written about in this article, I asked myself, “Would I even want to be completely equal across the board with a man…?” My answer is no. I love being a female and having the unique characteristics and attributes that are inherently part of my gender. Despite the fact that I’ve spent the majority of my life in male-dominated career fields, I completely embrace being feminine (although my daily wardrobe of yoga pants and t-shirts may not necessarily reflect that…).

I’m not ashamed to say I love chivalry! I love when a man treats me like a woman, opens doors for me, pays for dinner, and wants to protect me. I love when a man takes out the trash, handles the barbecue duties, and mows the yard. Even though I’m no longer working in a physically demanding career, in my current job I frequently rely on my male coworkers to do the heavy lifting and get boxes from the tops of pallets. Am I capable of handling these things myself? Fuck yes! But, quite honestly, I don’t always want to. So, unequivocal gender equality be damned!

Now, can one of you guys please help me move this heavy wine rack…?

Unapologetically Outspoken,

Tara